Mumblings.

There and not really there
Aloof and not really anti-social
Recalled and not really remembered
Sailing off with cold and easy solitude
No strings attached.

Stressed is Desserts Spelled backwards

The most darling sweetie pie present.
(Thanks JR, Lia, XY, YT n ZL!)

All my presents are photoshoot-worthy and really like them lots! But so sorry I'm such a bummer at times and didn't really take too many photos.... :X But you see, I'll be carrying your prezzies around! Thanks peeps and thanks Mum and Dad and my sisters and my jiemeis for the prezzies, the sms-es, the cards, the e-cards, the msn wishes, the effort you put in and the fact that you actually remembered. Thanks for all the memories! :D

Astronomical Gastronomical Satistifaction

Into the labyrinth-looking place...


Through the fourth floor into a Japanese garden...


Past some waterfalls and ponds and pretty koi...


and into the tatami room.


The charming tea set-looking thingies waited patiently with us...

while a lady dressed in a pleasant green kimono politely knelt down and served us green tea...

The first delight of the day: bite-size starters

From right: The white onion had none of the pungent displeasures of your regular onion and it went very well with the red savoury bean paste thingie; the petals were actually some sort of beans that were beautifully dressed up; the eggy stuff was plain and yet had the nice lemony feel coz of the lemon slice that was hiding beneath the egg; some parsley; extremely well flavoured fish. Light in feel and yet bursting with flavour... it's savoury... had some sorta teriyaki sauce or bbq sauce or some kinda nice sauce to spice it up... and there's this crispy layer on top... yum.

Then there was the mouth-watering sashimi!!!!

It was absolutely fresh n delicious!!! The sashimi was so well sliced and so fresh that you can look through them when you hold the slices against the light! And the prawns were the best of the lot! Loved them! Oishiiiiiii!

Mouth-watering sashimi was gone... but the decor still looked as lovely as ever...


And then there was the tempura... light and crispy on the outside, firm and fresh on the inside! And the shitake mushroom was big and juicy and crispy all at the same time!


SuShi! Need I say more?? Oishiiiiiiiii....


Here's some udon for you visual pleasure... and it's really the best I've ever had! Especially the soup! One sip and you know it is the real thing! There wasn't a hint of oil and the fish-cake looking thing is nothing like those fish-cakes you taste out side! It's not even the fishball kind of texture! It's firm yet spongey... and delicious!


Here's some cold soba for you too... The soba's well-chilled on top of all the ice... and the sauce is nothing like soy-sauce (We've been misled by those soy-sauce tasting soba sauces!) It's light, and the sasame seeds bring out the flavour!


To top it all of, we ate green tea ice-cream! Refreshing, not too sweet and none of the bittersweet tea flavour was lost! It's too delightful and I was already done with spooning the ice-cream into my mouth before I realised that I forgot its photoshoot.

These wonderful food came at an astronomical price... and gave absolute gastronomical satisfaction!

The Shopaholic's eye

All available at far east plaza.

What they say...

“ You look like a teacher!”
Variation: “Are you a teaching?”; Have u considered becoming a teacher?”; “When I first saw you, I thought you’re a teacher!”

“You have the please-approach-me face.”
Evidence: JT was approached 4x along orchard road to donate money. JT was also approached a few times for the purchase for various items ranging from xmas cards to perfume while waiting at an MRT station. She shall not recount the number of times others have asked her for directions (in vain?).

“ You look so different without you spectacles!”
Variation: “I almost cannot recognize you!”; “ I swear you look sooooo different!”

“You are 21?!”
Variation: “ I thought u’re in JC only”; “ You mean you’re older than me?!”; “ My dad thought u’re in secondary school.”

“Are you a Malay or a Chinese?”
Variation: “Are you a pure Chinese? Chindian?”; “ You’re Chinese?! Hmmm... maybe it’s the double eyelids”; “ 小妹，你是华人啊? 我以为你是马来人。。。 哈哈。。。"

"Your teeth are so cute”
Variation: “Your two teeth are so small… are they baby teeth?” (erm ya.); “When she smile hor, her teeth very cute.”
I'll leave you to figure what you'd say about JT. haha. Merry X'mas!

Celebrate!

With trembling fingers and sweaty palms, I forced the cursor towards the submit button and the click never sounded more sombre and heavy. There was a flicker and the results flashed point-blank in front of my face.

PRAISE GOD!!! :D :D :D

I didn't fail the most feared and nightmare-inducing module! And my grades even improved!

I came to the end of my rope and saw I was floundering helplessly and hopelessly, carrying a worry and a burden that was never meant to be mine. When I crumbled on God, He showed me how it was to travel light, to do my part and find rest and assurance in His sovereignty. Praise the Lord! :D

For peeps who haven't gotten their results, all the best k! *hugz*

Dead shoe discovered.

Before:


After:


Culprit:

Dog's life.

Life is like a journey in many ways... and sometimes... the days are as long and as dry as a bone... and if you don't have an owner, you don't know where your next meal is coming from... or where you're going... or when you're gonna get your fur clawed and ruffled by that slicker brush...


Oh yeah, here's my photo. My name is Fluffy and my owner is putting a lot of words into my mouth. Fine, so my fur looks ruffled. This is my morning look... and I like my fur the way it is. (I don't understand why my owner thinks that I can't carry off the rugged ruffled look. She thinks it unkempt. Oh please. Great dogs who rule the streets wear this style all the time.)



Look, here's my new chew toy. It's a puny little shoe.




Hmmm... tastes different. But that doesn't really matter. It'll look the same once I sink my teeth into them... and rip those shoe laces off...



and when I'm done with this shoe, I'll simply look all cute and lovely... and I'll get a new one... Looking cute and lovely is the trick to getting the people species to do my bidding.

Haha... all's under control peeps. All's well. All's well. This is life.

Wishlists again.

Now that my bday is really just round the corner n ppl are asking what they should get for me, a serious SeRiOuS mental block numbs my mind. I have no idea what I want. There is nothing that I really need. And it's also quite a paiseh thing to ask for something and I'm too paiseh to think properly. Well, when it comes to shopping for presents, I thought it'd be nice to get something your friend won't get for himself or herself. I have no idea what I won't get for myself.

I made a wishlist sometime back. But now, when I look at it, it doesn't seem to be what I'm wishing for. What I really wish/ want to have is COURAGE. Courage to make a stand for the Lord in all that I do. What I want for Christmas/ bday is perhaps a prayer, and friends who can walk prayerfully with me in the Lord for the rest of our little travel here on earth.

PS: oh yeah, I have no sense of rhythm. Erm, maybe I should say... an inconsistent sense of rhythm... which makes hanging out with the little one (yeah, my guitar) a bit difficult at times. A rhythm potion or something like that would be good for a prezzie. haha.

More recipes

Done with the cheesecake... so onto the next yummy on my recipe list....
Bread Pudding!

Desired outcome of my bread pudding:


Till then.... enjoy the pic... kekeke...

Going Foodie

Had a wonderful meal with jiemei's (okie, and a buddy) at Thai express and the place that's full of yummilicious Secret Recipes. Hmmmm... it's amazing how one's friend can be another's primary school friend or hall friend or CCA friend or sthg sthg. The world is so small. haha anyway, here's more photos of yummies from secretive cooks and their awfully good recipes...


Oreoshake. Not too bad. Not too sweet. Or izzit not too sweet because I've been stuffing myself with this choco cake below:


Chocolate banana cake! Wonderful wonderful! and wonderfully tall the cake is too! And there's macademia white chocolate cake.... and marble cheese cake... and tiramisu... and all sorts of mouthwatering stuff... sheesh...


Baked cheese cake... Rich, creamy and yet not too heavy. It inspired me to go bake cheesecake again. But erm, don't ask me for the cake. Something went not so right. Added too little vanilla, maybe creamed the cheese too much, baked for an insufficient time? ah well. Something's not right anyway. It's supposed to come out a little thick n rich... but it was kinda soft and spongey, like fiesta cheesecake, which is not supposed to .... nvm nvm.

Glorious Food.

Had plenty of wonderlicious stuff to say about buffet food. Unfortunately, due to a bout of laziness, I only have photos...


Buffet free flow of prawns of all sorts and scallops and mussels and oysters...


Chocoloate fountain! *gasp*



The sensual strawberry juice and the scared soup. Yes, the scared soup had every reason to be afraid. Be very afraid...


Scared Soup under siege.


The death of the scared soup and the drink-drank-drunk strawberry juice.

-ok, lazy to post more pics-
off to laze around about. tata.

Watchaseeinschool.

Clockwise from left: Half eaten kinder bueno in library; Evening sky-- view from some engine block; eerie stairs at engine; my new watch; view outside library; array of sweets in co-op and vending machine at study area.

Euphoria & beyond.

I was bouncing around (literally) yesterday after my exams. The air seemed fresher, the weather nicer... and I felt so good! I was on such a high that I kept laughing (at myself and to myself). Yeah, and praise God that each paper was better than the one before!

(Some would have known how depressed I was after pharmaco. And only after pharmaco did I awaken to the fact that I should give up struggling helplessly on my own and remember that I'm not studying to please the examiners or the system but for the Lord Himself. It doesn't matter that I can't finish studying or that I'd be doomed in whatever ways. Just as long as the Lord is pleased with what little I can do. That's all. As if He doesn't know that I'm running out of time. As if He doesn't know what's going to happen way after the exams. As if. So I forget. And that was the sole motivation that fuelled the rest of the studying. Yes I still struggled after that, but it was different. I had the assurance that God knows and He's going through this with me. )

And so the exams bid farewell. And shopping starts. And graduation looms nearer and nearer. I can't believe it. I feel completely unprepared for graduation. I feel like a kid. I can't even imagine what it really means to be 21. What are those legal rights I'm supposed to get by then? What's expected of me by then? It doesn't seem much, things will just move on... day by day and week by week. I won't morph into an "adult" by my birthday. Whatever "adult" means. When I was in pri.1, I thought the Pri.6 kids were the boss. When I was in Pri.6, the secondary kids were the bosses. When I hit sec.1, those sec.4 kids looked like they're something. Yet, that something disappeared when I was in sec.4. The JC years whizzed past with me thinking Uni life must be something. And now I'm almost at the end of my uni life. And I'm still feeling quite small. And sheltered. And protected. And quite kiddo. I don't even read enough of the papers to know what's happening in this world. I've gotta grow up (whatever does that mean?). Tell ya when I get there.

I wanna...

1) fight it out with the exams. 3 more days.
2) Go back to driving school and get on with it.
3) Invite JR, Lia n Xiu to go cut hair together. And in the meantime, get ZL a makeover.wahaha.

If you see this, get a set of pompoms and ask me to make my last minute dash for 30 Nov and 1 Dec. Thanks!

E minor

The E minor chord sounds particularly comforting when I'm depressed or melancholic or whenever the air around me feels much thicker and heavier.

I haven't bolted out of the exam hall so fast before. I never felt so tight-lipped and so urgent about wanting to get out of that place, away from all the people and from the rising murmurs. I don't need no hear no nothing. I gave up. I just plainly gave up. I let the block come to me. I'm a blockhead. I refuse to do anything about it. I just let myself develop the feeling of being stunned. I wasn't fighting for time, I wasn't fighting to put down what I've learnt. I just nonchalently let it all go. Let it slip and let the blankness set in. I barely wrote a few sentences. And I just felt plain sick of exams. I even told myself that I'll take non-exam modules for the rest of next semester.

Am I supposed to cry? Or have I just given up? Should I just drown out in chocolates? I have just downed 3 plates of spaghetti.

For now, I'll just let the little one sing it's E minor to me.

And thanks peeps for all your concern. Talking about things, even by the bits and pieces, does help. :)

Tell me how

I understand my notes (wah, enlightenment). But take my notes away, and I can't regurgitate anything. I don't like to memorize stuff. I'm not exam smart. I can't finish studyng. I therefore should, theoretically, pick questions. But I don't like to do that. And I don't feel like doing that. I seem to be taking the exams quite lightly and seem secretly satisfied with noeing what's going on in my notes. What are exams anyway. ( What sorta question did I just ask?) Am I taking grades too lightly. What do grades indicate? sheesh.

I'm taking exams too lightly. Am I? Tell me what to do. Exams in 2 days. Lord, help.

JT song charts

Songs that made it to my faves.

Life is like a boat -- Rie Fu
Boulevard of Broken dreams-- Green day
Qi Li Xiang -- Jay
Dreaming of you -- Selena

Eyesore.

Something's not right with my specs. It's seriously irritating. Maybe it's the lights. Maybe it's the font on my lecture notes. Or maybe.... my myopia and astigmatism're taking an uphill climb.



But that's no excuse for ignoring/ disposing of/tearing up my notes right...

I'm so FULL of whine.

Here here...

Once upon a time, my little one and I would spend time on this book together...









It really is an EASY-to-read BIG book. It's a cool kiddie guitar book (and it's quite idiot-proof too). Look at all the pics and big words! So that's how I started my hanging out with the little one.

And erm, my cool camera is actually nokia 6610i. Cool effects not included [Photoshop contributes the happening factor. hahaha :) ]

Back to school tomorrow. It was freezing in the library even though I was wearing long-sleeves + sweater. And I was so sian of studying, I snapped the messy sight that contributed to my sian-ness... (and I realised that I might have just boosted some guy's ego coz he might think that I was taking his pic. eeks. oh please.)



Study hard peeps.

Exam period daily duties

Struggle to wake up.

Drag myself to school.

Camp in the library.

Wait for lunch.

Lunch.

Mug. Mug. Mug. Fight droopy eyelids.

Wait for dinner.

Dinner.

Mug mug mug.

Music in the library plays on.

Get homeward-bound.

Bathe.

Keep this little one company before it gets too late:


Blog.

Pack-up.

Off to bed.

*Repeat*

Something is missing. Time to slot in -time for God-

Getting Toothy

On the issue of teeth, lemme just clear it up once and for all. For the numerous numerous bunches of all of you who actually noticed and are wondering how come I've teeth of cute sizes and what nots... Yes yes, I still have my baby teeth. I think I've said that after my discovery (when I visited the T.F.D...). It's a recognized clinical thingie. Some people don't even develop permanent teeth. I just happen to have a few recognizable baby teeth.

So what's gonna happen to them? Baby teeth are not meant to last... and mine have way outlasted their supposed lifespan already. One day, I'll just end up with many missing teeth. Not to mention, I'm having this shortening root prob thingie in one of my permanent teeth. (Reads: It'll fall off too.) Ultimately, I'll have to go 'bo-gay', or fix up some dentures (NOooooooo!!!!), or build in the braces. Braces sounds the best of the worst. Then again, things won't happen till vitamin M has accumlated sufficiently in the black hole of whatever I can call a bank account.

On another note, my 21st big day is coming in 1 month and 11 days. I welcome contributions to my make-the-braces-fund. You can be cruel and leave me to be bo-gay when I'm hitting my prime age (whenever that is), but don't worry, I'll still call you my friend. muahahaha.

Sigh. back to the books.

Yummilicious.

A simpler version of something more sophisticated....

oh please. It's not a high class cleaning sponge.

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It is...

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what it is...

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what I like...

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True blue real honey cake! (from Ambon!)

It reminds me of the all-wonderful smooth and soft white wine delight (served with white wine sauce and vanilla ice-cream) that I once had. The familiar taste and texture have never been met my tastebuds again till today! Sophisticated delight simplified. I like this honey cake! (Wish I could show you white wine delight... but but but. No pics la.)

Random Rolls...

Randomatic 1: Graduation = certificate and more more.....
Yes yes, so I'm graduating with no more than a certificate. No, wait, correction. I'm graduating with a certificate, plus friends, plus + plus + plus. The only thing I don't graduate with is a bf.
Why do some people make such a fuss over this?

Nah, it's nothing to do with peer pressure. It's to do with the generation above us who has some sorta in-built assumption that girls should get married after graduation and start a family and await the joy of having grandchildren. According to that assumption, (if we do our mathematics right), girls therefore should get attached by the tertiary days (and preferably the tertiary days since the guys are supposed to be older and more matured and what nots). And so, how come this girl is not attached? "Something must be not too right with this girl," thinks the older generation... and they discuss amongst themselves about all the possible problems and solutions in secret.

Hello hello, I'm perfectly okie with being single and available, even if that is going to be a permanent situation. Nono, it has nothing to do with walking down crooked paths and taking a deviant preference for my other halves. Nono, it has nothing to do with the lack of a social life (I don't define social life as having an exciting/thrilling/adventurous night life.) I'm just moving along as God would have it. okie, you're probably right that I'm not proactive. Read the sentence before this, I'm moving along. If something happens, something happens. If something doesn't happen, time still doesn't stop and I'll still be doing what is in store for me to do.

Don't worry about it. (okie, So maybe I'm sounding too passive to affirm your wishes to see grandchildren and greatgrandchildren and what nots, but no worries. I haven't even hit the big 21... okok. I'm hitting it soon. *no more self-denial and hiding behind teenage-hood* But still, on and on we're trudging...)

Randomatic 2: Racial harmony
With all the hype about racial harmony and bloggers who kenna sued for racist entries... I can't help but think about that old lady on the mrt who's hurling abuse at another race. I couldn't understand much dialect, but she's holding on to some grudge from the kampong days about a particular race who's ultra lazy and stinks and bla bla bla. She was gesturing wildly and complaining loudly enough for all of us to stare at her. I was secretly wondering if anyone will try to sue her. But then again, for an old lady to be talking to an invisible person on the train...

I think racial harmony is something I've seriously taken for granted. Wonder if I can say this for the rest of my generation... but I do think so. Maybe I've been sheltered enough to meet all the nice people... but I've had plenty of pleasant experiences with my multi-racial project groups and tutorials and what nots. The only time when I got irritated with a particular bunch of people on the bus (yeah, different race) was because they were making super a lot of noise and were laughing way too loudly. Then again, if it were another bunch of people, I'd just be as pissed...no matter who they are. (okie, I have to acknowledge that I have double standards... I won't be pissed if I'm part of the noise-producing crowd :x )

Race doesn't affect how I see people or treat people. They're people, just like each and everyone of us. This plain fact only goes under when we drown and suffocate others in stereotypes that are confused with reality.

Quote of the day:
Hero is one alphabet short of zero. Make it or break it.


And now, I'm going blog-surfing. Can't bring my head and hands into fixing my report. :s

BLEACHing out

I'm so stuck to BLEACH. So sooOOOO stuck. Other than the fact that I've been feeding on healthy doses of Sailor Moon and what other anime on teevee since the days of my youth, I think pretty graphics have some sort of magnetic influence on me. hahaha.

SO why am I stuck to all these anime? Coz they're funny... nono, hilarious! They're cute, pretty, full of action and suspense entwined in semi-mysterious plots... The typical make-up of the cast includes a hero, a pretty/ stylish sidekick, a rash big guy, a smart cool-head and of course, the clown. A magnetic formula that adds sufficient humour, conflict and action to sap up time and attention from ppl like me.

Anime watching's an activity that doesn't require much effort ( unlike studying muahahaha).

And I think the triumph of all the different underdogs and their supportive sidekicks has some sorta draw on most people.

And tada! I'm stuck on BLEACH. Till then... more anime awaits muahaha

Growing up

It's not about turning 21. It's about being caring and considerate, where you see beyond yourself and care more about friends and family. It's about learning to stand in the other person's position and being able to respond in love and understanding. It's about being willing to reach out beyond what we're too used to. It's about giving and giving up the want to receive all the time. It's about remembering that young or old, weak or strong, proud or humble, quick or slow,we're all people.

It's about bearing the weight of being grown up without fear or worry, because there is hope in the Lord.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. (Romans 15:4)

Depressing uttering

I was seriously drowning out in work and wasting electricity on lights, fans and computers everyday till 4am. I sleep thinking about work, I wake thinking about incomplete work, I take the bus thinking about the work I can do next... I work WoRk woRk worK DroWn DrOwn DroWn droWn Work DrowN.

No time to blog. No time to indulge. No time to think. No time to sort out what I'm thinking. Panick. Worry. No time No time.

And the wierd things is, the more I try to cut out time from other things for work, the more I drown out in no-timeness and the more suffocating work gets. Work can simply swallow up every other thing and there's never enough time.

What does work swallow up? Everything that was once meaningful; memories that once meant much; thoughts that once deserved attention; people who once meant something. I remembered a fleeting thought about why acknowledging God is not a crutch for the weak, but I did not spare it much attention. I remembered enjoying myself in the greenhouse, pollinating orchids and looking at pitcher plants proudly shown by its excited post-grad owner, but a grey emptiness masks it. Happy moments leave an empty vacuum when no one shares it. I remember little of those moments that I was excited about because there's little significance in things which are only significant to me. Who would bother?

Now I see. Work consumes me. Suddenly, I'm cut off from the world. Suddenly, it doesn't matter that I exist. It doesn't make a difference, does it? Maybe it'd be better if I weren't here, as a nuisance who has to shove things off and turn irresponsible because of the Work which consumes everything.

On a depressing morbid note, if I were to disappear, I'd perhaps create a little ripple that shakes everything and everyone around me but for a miniscule portion of eternity, and fade away as an insignificant misty memory.

I made choices. I confined my world to myself. The flip-side of having no-strings attached anywhere is to be alone.

No time? I have an unnecessarily degratory and overly-pessimistic view of things? Rubbish?

This dark depth and morbidity is surreal in my reality and yet is reality in the surreal.


Simple-reality-thought-of-the-day:
They get scary when you start fitting them into your steoreotype. And nobody is a stereotype.

More on Firsts.

First Retro Party I've ever attended
(Courtesy of bday gal Jen Jen :) )

Party was really FUN :) haha. How should I put it. Jen's pals were really game for retro-ing out and came in all sparkles, scarves, sunglasses and colours of the 60s and 70s. hahaha. Plenty of action and sabo-ing under pink and blue lights that bathed the place. (Nah, wasn't part of the action... Me is not exactly the hip and happening type but I like to indulge in the atmosphere together with my other buddies. It was seriously fun and entertaining to sap in ze atmosphere.)

Buffet foodie was yummilicious, so was the choco-cake with delightful textures and crispy bases.

Funnest part of the celebration? Photo-taking! muahaha. If I can figure out whether I can and will, I might just stick some pics up. No promises. I'm turning blog-dead (ie. I'm blogging less and less and less... ...)

Firsts.

Firsts.

Part I -- First time: Stolen handphone.
Bugis junction is a dangerous place with many hp pickpockets. Or... there could be a main pickety-pockety culprit, or a syndicateful of them. Watch out. 2 of my other friends have had similar experiences. Some sly slob of a guy (Don't know why I think it's a guy) unzipped the smaller compartment of my bagpack and whisked my hp away. Nobody noticed anything until I wanted to sms my friend. Tada, POCKET OPEN! The usual procedures follow: emptying of bag, getting your friend to call your phone, and realising that your phone has been switched off. (Similar procedures were applied in circumstances during which my friends' hps were stolen.) When the hoo-haas are over, the next step would be to suspend ze SIM card.

*Watch your belongings at bugis junction!!! Especially when it's getting crowded at the MRT station... and when everyone's squeezing their way up the escalators....*

Part II -- First time: Sprained Foot
I have never sprained my foot before. Sprained fingers and toes in the days of my younger youth while playing ball and bobbing down the stairs hazardously (respectively). Today, I didnt even do anything dangerous. I simply walked down a step. And I have no idea how my foot ended up in the wrong position and how my body weight dealt ze blow to my foot. I crumpled and fell down. (And nobody came to my rescue.) After some struggling, I finally got to my feet and hobbled somewhere to sit down. I thought it didn't hurt that much. But the dizziness and nausea hit me for no good reason. What was that??? Nause and dizziness together with sprain? DUh, doesn't fit. SO I popped one mentos into my mouth, felt like puking more and just crouched in misery for a few moments. When it's all done and over, I hobbled to get a cab and made it home.

Part III -- First time: Stolen hp followed by sprained foot.
Sprained my foot. No hp to call for help to tell the respective people that I can't make it to school. Don't have contact numbers of the people I need to get in touch with.

To the guy who stole my phone:
Too bad for you that my lousy 3100 has spoilt vibration and spoilt LCD screen. The only thing that's precious to me are those contact numbers and messages. Bet they don't mean much to you anyway. Give up your life of theft la. Mabbe you can be a busker and perform magic shows like "The hp disappearing Act". Just turn over a new leaf la. Get a job at a hp shop and offer your knowledge of handphones which will be appreciated.

Tolong menolong saya dengan bahasa melayu!

Tolong menolong saya dengan bahasa melayu!
Please help me with malay!

Hari ini, saya sudah gagal bahasa melayu ujian saya. Saya keliru 'saya' degan 'awak'! Begitu sedih.
Today, I failed my malay test. I confused 'I' with 'you'! So sad.

Lia, awak baca blog ini? Tolong datang cekap bahasa Melayu dengan saya! Melayu grammar saya tak boleh.
Lia, are you reading this blog? Please come and speak malay with me! My malay grammar cmi.

Saya entah jika apa saya menulis tepat.
I don't know if what I write is correct.

Tolong tanya melayu kawan awak baca ini blog dan tepat grammar dan vocabulary saya.
Please ask your malay friends to read this blog and correct my grammar n vocab!

Dari hari ini, saya akan bermula blogging di dalam bahasa melayu!
From today, I will start blogging in Malay!!

(writer's note: the above was written with much thought and dictionary-flipping. This is a big plea for help. The struggling bahasa melayu pelajar has to write a stunning 60-word essay for her test next week to make it to an overall pass... please heLPPPPPP!!!)

Popular wishlists.

Old wishlist (look at all the strikeouts!)

1) watch (my watches...spoilt n missing)
2) alarm clock (mine spoilt :( )
3) meiji chocolate coated gummy sweet (those in a tube)
4) glittery pen (colourless one. but got glitter... saw the aqua colourless pen... really colourless, transparent shiny ink! But I want it to glitter leh haha)
5) new sandals (cant run properly in slippers... esp when i'm late)
6) water bottle (cracked my water bottle cap... so sorry mel, it's a bad accident...)
7) mechanical pencil (lost 2 of my fav pencils! sigh.)
8) A bag big enough to go camping for 3D2N. (but not too big)

New wishlist (and the all-popular means of giving bday present ideas)
pls note that I'm not having a party. Having a wishlist is no indication of party. Wishlist is just a wishlist.
Of coz, I don't mind plenty of outings hahaha :p

1) Girls will never have enough of bags, clothes, shoes and accessories. Nice clothes can be found at Surf bay, Celia Loe, Double Index and this shop called BIFG or something. (You can get discreet advice from my regular shopping buddies. like B.Y.)

2) I want those pretty hole punches with flowers and leaves and what-nots!

3)Books!

4) My two in one english/Chinese Bible.

5) Still looking for 3D2N camping bag. And some nice waterproof bag that's convenient to bring to the beach... or out for a swimming trip...

ahem. No ornaments pls.... and if u're really outta ideas, i appreciate beanie babies too la. hahaha.

Cheesecake cheaterbug.

Cheesecake cheaterbug. I refer to a particular website which informed me that one slice of cheesecake (baked according to its recipe) will give you 528 calories. I believed so... until my confidence has been shaken by inaccuracies that were discovered during my personal cheesecake-baking experience. I now move onto what I really want to talk about -- the cheesecake recipe and what it did to me.

Firstly, I finally understood why chefs are usually guys (some of them are big burly guys at that). It's because a great deal of effort is required to cream the cheese. Given the overestimated portion that I was creaming (thanks to the recipe -.- ), I devoted 2 hours to slogging-out with a spatula and 4 bars of Philadelphia cream cheese. I hereby declare that the 1kg of cheese worth $18.60 is now worth 7 times more. It's my first cheesecake and I can rightfully call it the fruit of my labour. Labour, literally labour.

So it's just 1kg of cheese right? What's the fuss. The fuss is this: I made 18 egg-tart sized cheesecake, and another whole cheesecake to go. Enough to feed my extended family. And coz I've got to bake 2 batches, I haven't got enough time for my egg-tart sized cheesecakes to sit and cool... so it started cracking. So sad. The next batch will be sitting in for the next 6 hours i guess... ...

(8 hours later...)
erm, I think I should have gone easy with flour... yah, my cheesecake is a little thick... but that doesn't stop me and my sisters from being addicted to them. ahem, if you're staying within a 1km radius from my house, you may just get the cheesecakes. (of course, my decisions are final. No questions please. muahaha)

Reporting back.

Lappy's hard disk crashed. Undergoing treatment at Toshiba centre. No internet for me, no lappy for me... n it feels quite good and bad in a way. Suddenly I had more time to myself. Like accompanying my lonely guitar. And sleeping more... and sleeping earlier. Well, yeah, no internet means no blogging, no checking emails, no MSN... no talking to ppl. Both gd and bad. But it feels good. Free from technology! muahaha. And I've started reading again. If you have any good books, lend me ok! :)

Quote of the day:
Don't let your possessions possess you.

Fairtales

I like fairtytales. But they aren't real, are they? They're glam-ed up stories, people and lives that aren't real. Fairytales don't say much about messy rooms, messy notes and worksheets lying all over the place. Nothing about disorderly and disorganized timetables. Nothing about "no-time-no-time" and "I'm too busy" syndromes. Nothing about "things-don't-always-go-effortlessly-happily-ever-after" facts. Anime can be a little more grey and down to earth. But. But. But. After indulging in the woes and wonders of the animated world, your own will be waiting in the solidly real and tangible dimension of life. Must I sound so doom and gloom. Who ate up all my cheer.

Disappeared. And back.

So I have disappeared from the blogosphere for quite a period of time eh? Yah, why. No time to blog coz I'm too lazy to think and express the smatter of hard-to-explain brainwaves that comes and goes irratically. And it feels wierd to write suddenly, when I realise there're people who're reading this.

That aside, other stuff has been sapping up my usual blogger habits. Anime is one. I'm SO STUCK on BLEACH. DOn't, and I mean D-O-N-T pass me any anime near exam period, or during school term for that matter. And don't pass me one series without having the complete 50 episodes or 100 episodes. I cannot take it when the cliffhanger endings just leave me dangling with my heart in my mouth. I like good storylines with pretty graphics, like the kind in AIR. Bleach is fine. Don't know why I don't like the graphics in Inuyasha. Neither full metal alchemist. Then again, haven't really been watching those.

And I'm trying to quit being online. If all my online time is squashed into study time, I might just make a miracle this semester. But no, TV takes more time off.

What is this. I'm morphing into my own brand of monster. Imagine staring into your own eyes in the mirror, and you see your alterego that only existed in your thoughts surfacing. And it's actully silently appearing, creeping, and infiltrating your gradually-found new habits. And then you wonder, "Is that really me?" The reflection becomes a stranger because you've been swept away by everything else outside you. I have forgotten to step aside to reflect, to think, and to pray. I'm flirting with the dangerous borderline of not even wanting to think. And I know I'll be swept away by the waves, tossed and thrown helplessly. And there'll be no rest if this is going to be me for the rest of my life.

I have a trustworthy Anchor which I do not reach out for. I know what it is like to hold on to the Anchor, in good times and bad. But I tend to let go during the good times and get lost on my own in the end. I feel so frustrated that I've loosened my grip time and again. No, I refuse to reach out because I'd inevitably let go again. I haven't understood that the Anchor is with me, holding onto me. All I have to do is to acknowledge that and the floating will stop. When? Just when will my deceitful heart begin to understand...

Another letter

Slipper Swish has written a second letter. Click to to read the first letter written seven months ago.


Dear so-and-so,

here I am penning my second draft of my resignation from this responsibility I have committed myself to. At the moment, I seriously have little capacity in doing things that I have intrinsic inclinations for and yet do not feel like doing. You may be concerned about why I do not feel like pouring my time, my heart and my soul into doing the very thing that I find worthwhile all along. Perhaps, there really is room for concern because it flows from a certain lack of input and communication with the Greater Authority and Master. This absence of refreshing input has turned my spirit and energy stale and half-hearted, which is why I am so reluctant and resistant when it coes to making plans for fulfilling my duties. On my own, I have not found the strength to overcome the inertia of challenging others to share the duties I cannot fulfill. Hence, I request that my duties be reduced to the bare minimum (without those that I completely cannot fulfill) and I'd like to apply for an indefinite holiday period to reflect and reconsider my situation. I appreciate all the opportunities, tolerance and care given to me and I apologize that I cannot meet basic expectations.

Yours Sincerely,
Slipper swish.

webbies.

Webbies I wanna take a peek at in due time:
movieministries.com
movieguide.org

Still

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God.

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-- it leads only to evil.

I did all that I could
away from what I should
Accumulatively rationalizing, numbing, ignoring
Hardening and choking
and getting lost.
Only to realise,
that when I'm humbly on my knees,
reflection, release, relief and re-direction
were all there
In a prayer.

Smoking around

If you like to ask questions such as "who invented it",check out this site http://inventors.about.com/. Was wondering who invented cigarettes... and so it seems... that smoking started like in 6000BC... and the native pre-Colombian Americans were smoking since long ago or something. And so tobacco seeds were later brought overseas... and tobacco was cultivated bla bla bla... and so now everyone knows about how smoking and lung cancer are related and how Singapore wants to confine smokers to a small area in hawkers and alfresco dining areas in a year's time. Sounds like good news to me. But it's quite sad eh, the smokers seem outcasted. Eh, try to quit smoking la.

Present Misadventure

Clad in a loud, yellow, oversized tee-shirt and cheapo flip-flop slippers, I was wearing the all-blurry-eyed-half-dazed-after-chalet look as I made my way amongst those shelves and hangers of T-shirts in the guys section. It felt wierd to be a female shopper-loner amongst the groups of guys who were also looking at the same shelves with the same hangerfuls of clothes at the same section. Actually, we were looking and browsing and aiming at the same shirt.

Now, I don't know why but that felt really wierd. Intimidated? I don't know. Dazed and blur? Definitely. So, I tried to excuse myself by straying off to the girl's section and started looking at the jackets and tops with disinterest oozing out of my lousy pretense.

Once the guys were finally done with their purchase, I went back to the shirt which I was aiming at and started calling my sis to ask for opinions. Dazed, I was. And I barely noticed the shop assistant who was hovering near me, looking all ready to clamp down on my interest and get the deal done. Well, after much deliberation and hestation, I fingered a polo-tee that looked mature enough for my dad and the shop assistant immediately offered her services. Her pressurizing presence was a major I'll-buy-and-get-out-of-here-factor. So, I asked for a size, paid and left the shop in a jiffy. Despite all that, I remembered to rip off the price tag. See, even the little details have been taken care off.

When Mum got home, she came knocking on my door and dug out the polo tee that my sisters and I shared for Dad's bday... and made Dad wear it...

Wow! Shirt too BIG!
WHOa! Price tag torn off! Therefore not exchangeable!! -shakes head-

okie, but mum and dad were really comforting and encouraging. Dad said he'll work out and bulk up while mum offered to do some altering and said something about fashion trends and loose-fitting tops nowadays. haahha.

ah well. Silly silly. So much for my first experience at buying stuff in the guy's department.

Boyfriend?

Mum: Eh, I dreamt that you were getting married leh. But you were marrying into those traditional ancestral worship kind of family, not Christian one.

Me: Aiyo, you think too far la.

Dad: Where got far? Ten years from now you'll be having your own family.

Mum: Ya, and you all better learn to be independent, or else you'll be panicking when you get your first kid. Eh, are you baptised? Better not get baptised in case you change your mind.

Me: Nope, I'm not. But I'm thinking about it. Actually it makes no difference whether I'm baptised or not. I'm very sure that some things will not change. There's no turning back for some decisions.

Mum: What if you boyfriend is not Christian? Unless you go and convert him.

Me: haha. I have my priorities and my boyfriend must know (and I should add agree on) 3 importants things-- where we come from, like where man came from, where we are headed to in the end and what's our mission in life.

Mum: So cheem one ah.

Me: Yah. If the guys dunno then too bad. (looks nonchalant)

Dad: You'll never know la. Everything thing is changing now, the values are changing.

Me: But 1 +1 = 2. It's the truth. It doesn't change wat.

Dad: For all you know 1 +1 = 3 next time? You take two cups of water, pour it into many glasses. One cup plus one cup equals to many cups what.

Me: Some things like gravity will always be there, even though we can choose not to believe that it exists next time.

Mum: Aiya, but do you have boyfriend or not ah?

Me: You say leh? I'm always running around and still can bake cookies at home.

Dad: (Looks at mum) Good question. I seriously don't know.



The little things that I didn't blog about till now:

Chicken mayo= shredded chicken, mayo, thinly sliced and cut onions, condensed milk.

Some of the pots and pans in my house are as old as me, if not older. And one set of those cost an auspicious $888. I never knew pots and pans are worth so much. Seriously.

Cookies

I have a craving for peanut butter cookies.

Peanut butter cookie recipes:

3-ingredients peanut butter cookie
This one looks so easy, it's unbelievable. (Note: But it doesn't mean that I can get it done.) I can't believe that a cookie will appear just by following it's instructions. Flourless and baking powderless cookie. Can u imagine? Just sugar, peanut butter and egg? Sure or not. *imagines eating super sweet and peanut buttery cookie* Then again, you'll never know till you try...

Still, I'm sticking with the more traditional-looking recipe.
And here's a good site for doing cooking conversion from cups to millilitres and grams and from °F to °C etc etc.


If I had plenty of time, I'd like to read, bake and interact with my 3B pencil and sketch pad. But let's face it, holidays are melting into Monday. And Monday marks the beginning of the long stretch of pre-lecture and lecture days... and I need to pack up and start studying.

Pre-school blues are back. No no no. Shoo.

Lettuce babies!

My lettuce babies are growing!!! Back to my lab stories again. haha. Bear with all the technicalities. Last week was a horribly hectic and mind-blowing and action-demanding week with all the preparation for the ubin event. As I struggled along with all my responsibilities, I was really thankful that my lettuce seeds didn't germinate, which gave me one week off from the lab to feed ubin mozzis.

Now that I'm back, I see that my other batch of cut cotyledons are growing!!! They're sprouting new, green plants! (Shoot regeneration) YeaHHHH! My transformation (with bacteria) is successful up to this stage it seems!!! muahahaha. Well, of course, fungus tried to ruin some of my plants... and some of my plants looked roasted-charcoal black coz it's been there for too long bla bla... but still... my lettuce babies are growing!!! They're growing!!! The satisfaction of being a researcher! Woohoo!!!

The fact that my plants are growing put my supervisor in a fairly good mood. And of coz, that'll improve my mood. And the simple fact that I'm seeing life in school, that is, I see people, students for that matter (no doubt mostly freshies) makes me happier. To top that up, my friend who's working on the tomato project was working with me today! Ladida. Seeing people makes me happy. I just can't bear sitting alone in a cold room with all plants and four walls, and walk around not seeing people.

Talking about people, I saw this lady in the lab whom I'd say is the embodiment of style. She looks like a post-grad student... and she's cool. The way she walks and nods and smiles...it's so full of stylish charisma. There's this x-factor and this air about her that makes her stand out from all the other people I meet along the lab corridor. I think I'd look like a silly smiley-clumsy-poker-clown beside her. But that's alright. That's my style. Blur bat silly smiley clusmy poker clown. Quite a mouthful eh? Say that again: Blur bat silly smiley clumsy poker clown.

And now I've to decide again: BMS or MCB. Sheesh. If I'm not going to do research, I'd do BMS. If I'm doing research, I'd want to work with plants and go the MCB way. BMS or MCB? Pray along with me for wisdom k :)

Washing Musing

Quote of the day:
While washing and scrubbing away, I thought to myself,
"The more stubborn of the two wins, it's either the stains or me."

Mutterings of being Semi-housewivish

First, the recipes in case I forget.

Going bean sprouty:
1)Chop the garlic.
2)Fry the garlic till fragrant.
3)Add in the bean sprouts (30 cents worth of bean sprouts should do.)
4)Add in salt water to taste. (No soy sauce. It'll get burnt.)
5)Stir fry till bean sprouts look a bit soft.
6)Serve.

Working with veges:
1) Wash and cut the Kai lan into small pieces. (Had to ask which vege in the fridge was Kai lan. So embarrassing.)
2) Chop garlic.
3) Cut the meat (against the 'grain') into bite sizes. Season with sugar, soy sauce and corn flour.
4) Fry the garlic till golden brownie/ fragrant.
5) Add in the meat and stir fry till almost cooked.
6) Add in the vege and put on the lid of the frying pan. Leave to cook for 2 to 3 min.
7) Stir fry a bit. Add water if it's too dry.
8) Serve!

Finally, mutterings of being semi-housewivish:
I'd cut my hair short if I were a housewife. Too warm and too messy to have long hair.
Now I also understand why some housewives have the auntie-look. There's so much to do, and things will get messy anyway, so there's no point in dressing up or going out. And whoever invented the washing machine is a wonderful person.

The pain only girls know

Guys can skip to the next post when it's out.

Comparable to migraine, there's this pain that only girls know.
It comes and it goes, regular and moody.
With any slight shift, there you have it:
The tightness, the pain, the dizziness, the nausea and the cold.
Shift again, and find a comfortable position.
Rest and it goes off.
And then, you heave a sigh of relief...
and you've moved again
and it's back.
It's horrible.
You yawn, you move.
You try to hug you stomach, you move.
Cramps. Arghh.

I exercise not to lose weight, I exercise to stay cramp-free.

Seductive Sedation

I have so much to blog about but so many things happened that I didn’t have time to blog and everything ended up in migraine yesterday. Therefore, I have come up with this fancy title, just to talk about this miracle migraine drug. It is by some brand name called Suniton and it consisted of 2 drugs: the all-famous paracetamol found in all panadols, as well as orphenadrine citrate. I figured Orphenadrine citrate is probably the one that made me all drowsy and relaxed.

So, as I once mentioned, I was hanging out a lot at Ubin coz I was preparing for an event. Just as I was pretty much enjoying myself, the usual stars and blind spots hit me. The half-hour painless window came… and the pain throbbed its way to the right side of my head. Then, the all-wonderful first aider realised this and whipped out his personal first aid kit with Suniton migraine pills! That I never tried but I’m a little too dazed to think about downing pills that are unfamiliar. So, I popped one pill while the first aider encouragingly attempted to make me drink mineral-salts enhanced water.

Eh First Aider T, I give u a big pat on the pack for being such a nice first aider who attempted to cheer me up with your little hands-free-bicycle-stunts and humourous jokes. Sorry I was in such a throbbing daze that I didn’t respond. But you’re the nicest first aider I’ve met. And thanks for the care and the medicine!

After downing the pill, the usual migraine stuff happened… the throbbing, and the emptying of my churning-acid stomach contents in messy squat toilets… and many concerned friends came by to ask me what wrong… (Someone even asked me if I’m anorexic and that’s why I’m throwing up hahahaha) Anyway, the pill helped and the pain was slightly more bearable. 2 hours after downing the pill, I felt so heavily sedated that I couldn’t open my eyes or stand up. I simply (erm, how should I put it…) slumped and sank into the coffee shop table and chair… and I drifted in and out of sleep… The drug works!!! Little little pain!!! I think several people came to check on me… thanks… and the rest of the day went by in a daze. But big thanks to my supervisor who took care of me and sent me all the way to my doorstep! Thanks… really appreciate it!

Just wished I could be there to see the last part of the program. But anyway, here’s my concluding statement:

Drug of the day:
Suniton migraine pills (paracetamol 450mg, orphenadrine citrate 35mg)

Ps: This drug is really wonderful for migraine... and I'm really tempted to just pop one pill everytime I have migraine. But, the more you take it, the higher the dosage you may need to put off the throbbing of future migraines. Sigh. Better go easy on all drugs.

Housewife-ish

I did the laundry and am thankful for washing machines.
Put the clothes out, took it back in twice coz it started raining.
Washed the balcony, swept and mopped the whole house... and realised that the good thing about small houses is that it takes less effort to clean.
Fed my dog.
Cooked my own lunch. Diced onions and garlics and made a horrible omelette. Tasteless. Should have up-ed the fire and dumped in more soy sauce.
Did the dishes and washed the kitchen.
Received a phone call. No lab tomorrow. Thank God!
Had a great time praising God with songs and my guitar.
Made egg roll and pasta for three. Dinner. Couldn't find tomatoes and cucumber.
Learnt that it's highly dangerous to be messing with oil near an open fire.
Ate a lot of pasta for dinner. Overestimated portions. But it wasn't too bad.
Sisters were all nice and encouraging about dinner. Maybe I'll cook again. haha.
My dog is the number one fan of my cooking.
Next time, watch the fire. De-chill the eggs, buy more ingredients and let things cook a little longer.
Maybe I'll try cooking some fish soup noodle thingie next time

I like hanging out in the kitchen and cooking with no one to disturb me. hahaha

Bite sizes. Updates. Recipe.

Simple updates. For those who don't get to see me

Have been to Ubin so many times (ok, 3 times. going again). I'm considering calling it my second home. And I'm getting a small kick out of cycling (despite many bruises and a really bumpy ride). If you're going to ubin, ask me ask me! oh yah, and I'll remind you to bring insect repellent, mosquito coils, baygone, and some other stuff to pluck rambutans/ seek durians. If you wanna buy rambutans, get them from the auntie nearest the jetty. The rambutans there are really big, red and juicy. Much nicer then the self-plucked ones. Although... it's more fun to pluck them yourselves. haha. Do bargain a little, we got 3 bunches for $7 and saved $2. Well, and the boat uncles are quite fierce. They're insistent and persistent and serious about charging a two-year old boy who clings onto his dad for the boat ride. I'm helping to run an event at ubin, in case you're wondering why I'm feeding the mozzis there. haha.

Other than that, I'd be learning how to wash, cook and mop up these few days. If you dare to eat what I cook, you can let me know and you can pop over for lunch. But, please help me wash up hahaha. (I reserve the right to be selective about my guests. BLeaH)

Recipe of the day: Mummy's Fried noodles for 5.

1. Par- boil noodles. 70% cooked will do.
2. Douse noodles with cold water when done.
3. Heat up oil and dumb onions and garlic into pan. Fry till fragrant/ a little brown.
4. Dump in the meat and fry till almost cooked.
5. Add in the carrots and fry a little.
6. Scatter the cut veges/ bean sprouts over the meat.
7. Dump the noodles on top of the veges.
8. Pour in seasonings ( 1/2 cube chicken stock, 2 tsp light soy sauce, 1tsp sugar, 1 bowl water)
9. Put on the lid.
10. When all the water's sorta dried up, stir/ fry a bit and serve! :D

Cooking tomato-base pasta for dinner tmr. Have 2 guinea-pig-food-tasters already. hahahaha. What should I cook for lunch tmr...

Read of the day: Chronicles of Narnia -- The Silver Chair.
Inspired to pick up The Last Battle, The Screwtape letters and Mere Christianity.
C.S. Lewis. *salutes*

Psalm 37

I was drowning under a smatter of responsibilities and I'm amazed that I managed. And I managed because I acknowledged God.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Iin all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
-- Proverbs 3:5-7

I found God so near, so real, and so ready to be leaned upon. And though I stumble, He didn't let me fall. When they're away, and there's not many for me to run to, I woke up, and saw that I had forgotten. Now I run to God.

Thank you Father, for the overwhelming encouragement that day. What little I give can become fruitfully-a-lot in Your Hands.

The read that touched my heart:
Psalm 37

Never.

To my 2 sisters. I will never leave you or forsake you, and I will stand by you all my life.

A little Prayer.

I miss praying. It's so easy to ignore God and stubbornly do things my own way at my own time. Been there, done that, crashed, felt hollowed out, empty, frustrated and bleak. God's always there, and it's so easy to turn around and start praying and communicating and talking to God but I just stubbornly chose to run the wrong way just to have a piece of my own world where I can have things at my own time. How silly I am to think that I can get myself whatever that makes me happy. The little thing that I do for myself to please myself is just a fleeting moment of transcient distraction that seems very much like joy and delight. But it's a mere facade for covering up the hollowed emptiness that only God can fill.

And God fills so abundently when I decided to pray. There's nothing I can give but my honesty. I have nothing to offer but little bits of me and the little moments I give in prayer. And God knows. As if He doesn't know how I feel while I'm running away. He knows better than me. And when I pray, suddenly, God made me aware of where I'm heading, how lost I am and it is really so reassuring to know that I'm with God again instead of running from Him. He never left me though I was heading in all other ways.

It's just a little prayer, but it has made me desire to pray everyday, and make prayer an attitude.

Another lab day.

The chair played a prank on me. And my supervisor saw my unglam pose as the chair sneakily rolled backwards while I sat... on the floor. All this while, I was trying to make sure that I didn't drop my bag of sterile petri dishes. Well, I wasn't feeling all too embarrassed at that moment... and I even managed to drop a funny line, "I'm such a comic relief for you all right..." But, BUT, it fell flat. No one laughed. I wonder which was more embarrassing.

Thank you cheekiest for driving all the way to school, without knowing where the available free parking lots were, to have lunch with silly old me at 2pm. Really, it's the heartiest lunch I've ever had since I started lab. :D

I was early in a way for lab, and so, I had some time to stare out of the big window in front of my table. May I add, that this is the only window in my lab? I'm really thankful coz' I think I'm slightly claustrophobic. haha. I like windows and open space. While waiting, I was peering at my supervisors work their way with spewing fumes, pounders and grinders, and potentially hazardous-looking icy containers of liquid nitrogen. It makes what I'm doing seem like chicken-feet. And it is. I just don't understand how I can make something so easy seem so messy and difficult. Even opening a jar can be a challenge. And even the chair made fun of me. Argh.

But I'm still learning, and am still thankful for my supervisor's patience. Hope I didn't contaminate anything today. And I hope that I'll master the art of slamming that stubborn oven door shut without shattering anything.

All time fav. songs

I wanna grow old with you

I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you
I'll get you medicine,
When your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
It would be so nice,
Growin' old with you
I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man,
Who grows old with you.

AP I have.

I think I have AP. A different kind of attitude problem known only to few. I'm so good at saying yes that sometimes I don't know what I'm getting into. I nod nod nod on the phone though the other person may not be able to see it... I 'mmm', 'uhuh' and 'okie' to acknowledge what I'm not completely grasping. How misleading. And I do it that often! To everyone! To friends, family, lecturers, supervisors, whoever, whoever... I can't help but think that I'm slow. I'm a slow learner. I catch things slow... academic stuff... maths, logic, jokes... My wit (whatever I had to begin with) has disappeared. I'm bound to lose arguments (not serious arguments, I mean those for-fun kinda witty arguments.) I don't think too much before I speak and I regret. I initiate a conversation without paying too much attention to what I'm asking. I'm in such a daze at times. In the lab, with friends, outside, wherever. I don't even remember the dates and days. I respond slowly when people ask me simple questions. I let things just slip by. Why am I in such a daze.

WAke up WAke UP!!!!

Smitten.

If I were were a guy, I'd be smitten by that voice. So gentle and sweet and pleasant and polite. I lost some important stuff and have to make some phone calls to cancel some stuff... and the lady on the other end of the line is just so demure, so nice and so sweet...that it was soothing just hearing her voice. hahaha. No wonder phone operators and telemarketeers are usually female.

Anyway, after donkey years, I went to Ubin again! It's sooooo erm... populated with durian and rambutan trees hahaha. Was pretty surprised that it was so easy to get there via the 10min boat ride. Had plenty of cheap thrill eating rambutans knocked off trees and durian hunting (stiff competition with other retiree-looking durian hunters) at mosquitoe-infested sites. Green rambutans are actually quite edible you know. Just not as fleshy and succulent. Not too bad tho. Walked and navigated around the only two beaches which are simple, uninhabited and nice. A good spot for spacing out/ thinking/ stoning.

The next time I'm going there, I'm renting a bike. Walking to the beach takes 45minutes by the way. And bike rental for the whole day's just $2. okie. Oh yah, look out for misleading signs and for fat slanted 'M' shape road signs that're supposed to indicate a bendy/winding road ahead. It's really out of shape. bleah.

Souped Specs.

One day, I souped up my phone. Go read about it in my old entries. And today, my friend happily reminded me that I once souped up my specs. It happened so... that I was eating something soupy. Ban mian was it? I have no idea. With who? I don't remember. Oh wait I remember, it was at holland V. It was dumpling hor fun. And I remembered that my specs' screws came loose and my lenses fell PlomP into my soup. I had to fish it out with chopsticks and I had no idea what I did next. Probably washed it in the toilet. My Gosh. How silly and embarrassing. I suppose such stuff don't happen to other people, does it?

Now there, cheekiest... I think I told u about it before on the phone. Not through my blog lah. BLEaH.

Migraine: My Pain, My Bane

There it came again. 22nd June. Half way through MSNing, I can't even look at the computer screen properly anymore. Some bits look blurred off and the lights in the room became way too glaring. It's as if someone adjusted the contrast level to unbearable limits. It was coming. After the half-hour painless tiny window which I hurriedly bathed and dried my hair, I popped a panadol actifast and sent myself straight to bed.

Panadol actifast doesn't work against migraine. I became more and more sensitive to the lights and noises around me. Simple voices screeched and scratched my senses. The pounding headache took on a different form this time. My right eye and the whole patch around it felt so dense. It was so very dense that some sort of blackhole inside my head, right behind my eye, seemed to be sucking up all of my energy, all my sensations and all of me. I felt numbed, pained and frustrated all at the same time. And there's nothing I can do about it. It's the beginning.

The rest of the night passed in pain. That horrible dense,heavy, hurtfully numbing pain. I can't describe it. It hurts right behind my eye and that area right in front of the eye feels so numb. An unreachable patch that I can do nothing about. And there's the bitterly acidic and putrid mess that churns around in my stomach to such an unbearable level that I had to let it all out... only to leave a cramped-up bloated hollowness in my stomach.

Really thankful to have mum make me warm glucose as a temporary filler for my tummy.

There goes. Pain at the back of my left eye. Acidic violent churning in my stomach. Off to the toilet to release the sour mess. Slump back into bed. More thumping dense pain, more churning... off the toilet...

I must have gone for about 4 or 5 times before I fell asleep. Woke up at 1 the next to tell inform some people that I can't be at lab, can't be at a dinner, can't be at outing, can't be at a session... can't be everywhere. I just slept through Friday. The pain went away, more or less, as long as I moved gingerly. The only unsettling thing was the bland tastelessness in my mouth. There's also the nausea... real or psychological? I have no idea.

But there's something I'm really sure of: Having someone right beside you through the whole thing is therapeutic in itself. I wonder if this applies to all other situations... like pregnancies/child labour and what nots.

Here's more on migraine:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine
http://www.migrainetrust.org/

Long morbid entry indeed. Migraine-- My Pain and my Bane.
(PS: Don't mind my grammar / sp. Can't stare at the screen too long.)

Missing. Lost. Gone.

I don't understand how things can go missing. I seriously don't, especially if you remember leaving them here, there or there. It has to be there.Perhaps it got stolen. Perhaps it dropped somewhere. Perhaps my dog ate it. Perhaps it dissolved into the air. Perhaps it grew legs and ran away. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It's annoying. It's a cruel joke. I hate losing things.

And I hate politics. I so hate it. Why does it have to infiltrate every corner of everywhere.

Why am I losing my writing fingers and why am I just ranting and spewing and poofing up my entries. I've lost it. The words don't come to me anymore.

Emo is a new word i picked up. So I'm all emo. Pissed. Frustrated. The very thing that boiled me up then is fuelling my volcano now. I don't get angry often. Don't make me angry. Don't.

New Blogskin!!!

Many thanks to buddy CZL for working hard on this blogskin! muahaha.

I like my new blogskin. :D

Snippets of what Made (or not) My Day

Went notebook shopping and bought 3. I'm a user of great notebooks. Ringbound kind. Lines would be good. Blank freestyle ones are just as good. If you have no idea what to get me for my birthday, A5 size ring-bound notebooks are perfectly fine :D Of course, I have other stuff on my wishlist. Which I don't remember. search my older entries.

Found the perfect shoes that I wanted to get. But... NO SizEEEEE. Why is it always like that. Gonna try another branch soon.

Found 2 new friends in my lab! hahha I'm no loner anymore! muahaha! And I'm way relieved to know that I'm not the only blur dudette who does something wrong everyday. hahaha.

I did something wrong today again. Grew some seeds in the wrong petri dish. Tried to undo things. *keeps fingers crossed* Finally, after three rounds of manipulating scapels and cutting little leaves, I can finally make some decent clean cuts on my precious little leaves! ( Never mind if it doesn't make sense to u. haha) Oh yah, it's the first time my mentor/supervisor raised her voice... no no, not scolding me... she's just stunned that I skipped lunch and I'm taking forever to cut some leaves. Well... hundreds of little leaves actually. haha. Actually, if I were my mentor, I'd just faint at the all the mistakes since day1. Really thank God for her patience... and for my new found nice friends! :D

Ladida. Quite happy. Celebrated mummy's birthday today and had chilli crabs! What a delight!

One day. One day I'll be able to play B7. and how come it's so hard to find the guitar chords for a simple regular happy birthday song?

Team Manager: All in a day's work

5:30 Wakey wakey time. Snoozed alarm.
5:45 Woke up in shock and loaded myself with egg, cheese and bread.
7:00 Reported to adventure race HQ. Mingled around with team... took photos...
9 plus watched team douse themselves with longkang water and try to plug holes with moss and leaves. Took photo.
11 plus Missed team returning to checkpoint and felt really disappointed.
1 plus Toppled many bicycles at the transition are with my antics. Many bikes, many times :X
2:00 My team returned! Chit chat laugh laugh
4 plus prize presentations! My team is runner up! And their buddy buddy team is champs! muahaha. More photos!
4 + + + Time to bring bikes back to rental place. Never road so many diff bikes on the same day. Got cheap thrill from reckless speeding at ECP.
8 plus Got a big big lift home :) Thanks Thanks hehe

Exercising puts me on natural high. And if I were to go adventure racing, there's one bunch of people I would go with-- my bunch of footdrill-doing, bandage tying jie meis who shared the waterless, toiletless and sparsely vegetated Tuas campsite in the days of our youth. With them, it's like... Sure can! chiong ah!

Pick of the day
Lost my fave white guitar pick... and found a new not-so-pretty pick that's turned into my new found favourite! It's not flat like my old pick and it's ever so slightly curved that i can't tell by looking it it... and it makes my chords and my strums sound better! hahaha~

Lettuce Experienceza

4th trip to the lab and still getting a lot of nonos about the certain skills that I have yet to develop while using forceps and getting my head out of the fume hood. To think I bumped my head twice into the glass screen that's supposed to prevent wierd gases within the fume hood from hovering too close to my face. Learning Learning. Nobody laughed at me though. I will probably be the only one who will be laughing out loud. haha. I should laugh at myself more, and become way less nervous and self-conscious and think more about the project and about being alert and friendly and ready to learn!

Today, I got my own box of XS gloves and some other lab stuff! Makes me feel professional. hahaha. I sorta found a little space as my seat. hehe... Now I'm getting a little somewhere.

Learning in progress! And may my journalling-after-every-session grow more and more helpful!

Now, I got to stop feeling and acting childishly. Humph.

Random sputters

I want to change my blogskin and add a section with links for less gloomy and more-fun-to-read entries. But, I have little idea as to how to do that.

I was given a brand new bright red kipling bag with the significant gorilla missing. Okie, but I still like it. haha.

I know nothing about adventure racing and I'm a team manager for the coming games.

I wonder how I pulled through being basketball scorer for the last games when I don't play much.

The thought of my family leaving this earth or me leaving my family behind brings tears to my eyes.

My friends are coming over to celebrate our friend's bday and I have little intentions of packing my room.

Im still fiddling with the guitar. Two-and-a-half-months and I'm still at it.

The number one criteria for whom it may concern to qualify for my consideration of changing my single status would be that he loves God more then he loves me.

-Pls leave drop me a smiley tag or a hello tag if u're reading yah :) -

Talk about driving. I've completely procrastinated and pushed it back to some nowhere. It's not on my priority list but I should just get my Basic over and done with right? Oh bother. 2 days of lab just went by. It wasn't all that bad. I don't know why I made it sound so bad whenever my friends ask me about it. I'm just a little nervous in the lab... that's all. With all the new equipment and all the safety precautions... I don't exactly know what to do with them. Not used to sticking my head out of the fume hood while working with bacteria... and I need to pick up quite a handful of hand and wrist gymnastics to manoeuvre forceps and sterile no. 11 scapels in order to make clean cuts in Lactuca Sativa aka Lettuce for their healthy regeneration. No idea what I'm talking about? Don't worry about it. I have never encountered those till now. I'm really thankful for my friendly prof and smiley post-grad supervisor though. With my scarily lacking lab skills, I secretly wonder if they have regretted taking me in under their care. hahaha. I've plenty to learn about being meticulous and immaculate and alert and honest and steady. I'll work hard! Promise! I'm here to learn and even if it means having to embarrass myself by asking silly questions, I will ask. I'll no longer whine and I'll keep learning and learning :) And may this glorify Your Name.

Reading up all about lettuce and starting urops tomorrow. Quite excited actually. (when there's no pressure from school ladeedaaaa... lalala) And there's the qn. Am I that persuaded to move in that direction? MCB?

S. O. S.
Severe Output Syndrome

For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to have jelly legs, a hurting stomach and a sore digestive tract. I have no idea what's wrong with me or what I ate, but I awoke half an hour after I entered dreamland at 2.30am to rush my way to the bathroom. This was just the beginning. At 15minute intervals, my stomach would be hurt uncomfortably and I'd set off for my next toilet trip. I finally appreciated the nearness of the toilet to my room. After countless trips, I finally downed a bottle of po chai pills and they're really effective. Really really effective!!! And I'm finally off to bed at 6am... and dozed like a baby.

This is gross man. The worse case of uncontrollable output discomfort. To think I'm sharing such gross stuff. Eeks.

Yah, and this is a free advertisement for po chai pills.
oh yah, and panadol actifast works well for headaches too.

I still feel like mourning over the something that shattered. I wonder how long I'll take. I don't have much time.

I want to turn my back on all that distracts me. Like anime. Anime is turning into an addiction that takes the place of the important. I have to quit this hollowing out of my mind.

Tried that Big mac recite-the-jingle-thing and got free ice-cream. muahaha. But that's the end of my cheap thrill.

Got home and checked my results. The worst I have ever seen. It's a plummet and a heavy drag-down, a far cry from all my previous grades.

Something in the air shattered. Something feels heavier. Maybe I should not have done something.

I got my project. Lettuce it is.

But something has shattered.

Lettuce project don't matter any more.

Somethings feel wrong.

Maybe tomorrow will be better when I get over it.

And lettuce project may help me heal.

It is so clear, that it is no oxymoron that one can be interested in something one is not good at.

And I know it so dear that
The Lord is my Shepherd.

Section 656 is empty I see section 652, 653... 654... 658... wait wait, it's 658 already? Where's sections 655, 6, and 7??? If you had scrutinized the Recruit section in Classified, this small box at the top right hand corner will tell you that section 655 gives you the jobs for Petroleum/ Chemical, 656 is for Pharmaceutical/ Life science and 657 is for Aviation/ Aerospace. So you engineers get job offers... you business and sales people get job offers and all you good-looking and photogenic people have plenty of talent scouts and bridal shops looking for you. But what about those undergraduates majoring in chemistry, pharmacy, life science or aeronautical engineering??? Nothing's listed. The whole section's skipped! Are there really no jobs available?? Nah, probably not. But the number of jobs are this many that they don't get listed on the newpapers. Bleak. But I'm not worried yet. Yet.

Wet I was sitting on the bus, staring at the low grey stretch of thickening, darkening and precipitating rain clouds that spelt a wet journey home. But I didn't expect it to be this wet. Before I knew it, someone up there turned on the shower head and the rain bathed everything and everyone beneath the dreary and grey expanse. I was still on the bus and the sheets of water that cascaded down the sides of the large windows blurred my vision so much that I couldn't even see the rain drops. If only I wasn't looking out of the bus into the wetness that awaited me. It would have been a pretty sight if I were sitting in a fancy restaurant looking at sheets of water cascading down large glass panels into sparkling pools filled with dainty fishes and lights instead. But when it's time to get off the bus, it's time to get out of the bus... into the wet. My small, lightweight umbrella was no refuge or shelter from the pouring rain. Pouring rain sounds so cliched that it doesn't exactly describe the kind of rain that blasted my umbrella. Just imagine a spoilt showerhead with an infinite supply of water. The perfect kind of rain for a shampoo advertisement. A stylish model can whip out her bottle of shampoo, foam it up and wash her hair under the shower of water. And I'm not even sure if they can capture her face cause the rain just blurs everything. I got home with my jeans all wet and heavy and soaked with water. It's all wet! Drenched! I can wring water out of it! No kidding and no exaggerating! So, my point is is this: It's the heaviest downpour I've ever seen. **bleah** Other nitty gritties of the day: Wrist-ache from playing guitar. Maybe it has to do with the size of my guitar which is smaller than usual. Then again, my fingers are a little short to play normal sized guitars. hahahaha.

Here's another scrap of paper I found. During the exams, I was inspired by my friend's blog at http://nusfantasy.blogspot.com and I escaped from my stress into a world I created, Lushya. Lushya is governed by the Source-- the energy giver, the lifegiver, the central authority, the all knowing and all powerful Source. Planet Lushya is in the third galactical orbit and it's surrounded by rings of energy known as the galacticoid orbital belt and protected the Enervon shield. The Source is found in the heart of Lushya, at the galactical core. All life comes from the Source and goes back to the Source. Lushya's landscape is divided into four areas. The Northen plot, Nectarisa, is known for its luscious greenary. The Southern plot is called Sunivia, a region bursting with energy and the capital of Lushya where the main authorities reside. The Eastern plot, Eukarisa, is filled with wildlife and fauna that is diverse and beautiful. The Western plot is called Windevia, where the winds and waters meet the sky, where the view is breath-taking, and where the unknown deep lies. In the Lushya that I create, I become Zea Maysteria, born and raised in Nectarisa with a deep curiosity and fascination for the unknown deep in Windevia. I know the Source and the Source bears authority over me. I am later bestowed with gifts and is sent as an agent to earth on a mission -- a mission yet unrevealed to myself. I wanted to create a history for Lushya, a system for Lushya, a magic for Lushya, a law for Lushya, a political system for Lushya, an education system for Lushya, a family for Lushya and so much more. Writing is such a task of magnitude. But before I get lost in Lushya, which only exists in my mind as a wonderful Eutopian escape, I better anchor myself to reality. In due time perhaps, writing, alongside my interest in Chinese calligraphy and guitar playing, will become good past times.

In my frenzy reorganizing and neatening up of my room in Project packup, I found scraps of paper with valued thoughts and emotions. Here's one of them that brought tears to my eyes as I was writing. 眼前所看到的，真是心酸的一幕。 The green bin A wrinkled old woman, hunched over with age, wizened, small, frail, and greyed. Plunged her hand without hesitation into the green bin. Such bins, never explored the same way by the young and materialistic, who only dip their hands into pockets brimming with riches from doting parents and the latest technological devices that is never deemed existentially necessary to the old woman. The green bin, condemned by over-protective and pampering parents, found its place as a unhygenic mass littered with flies and cigarette butts and as a means of survival full of crushed cans that can be exchanged for some miserly sustenance. The old woman, accustomed to the art of living through the bin, lay the cans on the stoney floor. With a determined stamp, she crushed the embittered hoplessness and pushed forth with mere determination to get by. Her back is bent, but she steadily picks up the crushed can and packs it into her bag, unashamed. As the young watched in cold apathy and self-centred disgust at such lowly and non-impressive behaviour, their elevated status gained from ignorance and apathy pours forth in cold stares that rains harder than the drizzle and the chilly, wet sky. I stood aside the young, helplessly, heart aching for the old woman, thinking about seeing the green bin through her eyes.

Seasonal melancholy

Misty memories,
I don't remember.
Were there
smiles and pain?
Are there things I once said,
things we once shared,
and things we once knew?
Why do I forget
all of you,
you,
and you?

We all paint our own pictures. We modify our memories. We cannot grasp the necessarily elusive and sometimes we are lost in our dreams. Seasonal melancholy.

Quote of the day:
True friends care for you more than the friendship itself.

One's on holiday, the other replied my mail in ten minutes. Within the span of half an hour, there's the phone-call and the appointment's fixed. I'm going to meet prof soon and I hope I'd be looking into tomatoes. haha. Tomorrow: I'll finish up Mission Solitude, Operation type type and Project packup. Yes I will.