Euphoria & beyond.

I was bouncing around (literally) yesterday after my exams. The air seemed fresher, the weather nicer... and I felt so good! I was on such a high that I kept laughing (at myself and to myself). Yeah, and praise God that each paper was better than the one before!

(Some would have known how depressed I was after pharmaco. And only after pharmaco did I awaken to the fact that I should give up struggling helplessly on my own and remember that I'm not studying to please the examiners or the system but for the Lord Himself. It doesn't matter that I can't finish studying or that I'd be doomed in whatever ways. Just as long as the Lord is pleased with what little I can do. That's all. As if He doesn't know that I'm running out of time. As if He doesn't know what's going to happen way after the exams. As if. So I forget. And that was the sole motivation that fuelled the rest of the studying. Yes I still struggled after that, but it was different. I had the assurance that God knows and He's going through this with me. )

And so the exams bid farewell. And shopping starts. And graduation looms nearer and nearer. I can't believe it. I feel completely unprepared for graduation. I feel like a kid. I can't even imagine what it really means to be 21. What are those legal rights I'm supposed to get by then? What's expected of me by then? It doesn't seem much, things will just move on... day by day and week by week. I won't morph into an "adult" by my birthday. Whatever "adult" means. When I was in pri.1, I thought the Pri.6 kids were the boss. When I was in Pri.6, the secondary kids were the bosses. When I hit sec.1, those sec.4 kids looked like they're something. Yet, that something disappeared when I was in sec.4. The JC years whizzed past with me thinking Uni life must be something. And now I'm almost at the end of my uni life. And I'm still feeling quite small. And sheltered. And protected. And quite kiddo. I don't even read enough of the papers to know what's happening in this world. I've gotta grow up (whatever does that mean?). Tell ya when I get there.