Another lab day.

The chair played a prank on me. And my supervisor saw my unglam pose as the chair sneakily rolled backwards while I sat... on the floor. All this while, I was trying to make sure that I didn't drop my bag of sterile petri dishes. Well, I wasn't feeling all too embarrassed at that moment... and I even managed to drop a funny line, "I'm such a comic relief for you all right..." But, BUT, it fell flat. No one laughed. I wonder which was more embarrassing.

Thank you cheekiest for driving all the way to school, without knowing where the available free parking lots were, to have lunch with silly old me at 2pm. Really, it's the heartiest lunch I've ever had since I started lab. :D

I was early in a way for lab, and so, I had some time to stare out of the big window in front of my table. May I add, that this is the only window in my lab? I'm really thankful coz' I think I'm slightly claustrophobic. haha. I like windows and open space. While waiting, I was peering at my supervisors work their way with spewing fumes, pounders and grinders, and potentially hazardous-looking icy containers of liquid nitrogen. It makes what I'm doing seem like chicken-feet. And it is. I just don't understand how I can make something so easy seem so messy and difficult. Even opening a jar can be a challenge. And even the chair made fun of me. Argh.

But I'm still learning, and am still thankful for my supervisor's patience. Hope I didn't contaminate anything today. And I hope that I'll master the art of slamming that stubborn oven door shut without shattering anything.

All time fav. songs

I wanna grow old with you

I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you
I'll get you medicine,
When your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
It would be so nice,
Growin' old with you
I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man,
Who grows old with you.

AP I have.

I think I have AP. A different kind of attitude problem known only to few. I'm so good at saying yes that sometimes I don't know what I'm getting into. I nod nod nod on the phone though the other person may not be able to see it... I 'mmm', 'uhuh' and 'okie' to acknowledge what I'm not completely grasping. How misleading. And I do it that often! To everyone! To friends, family, lecturers, supervisors, whoever, whoever... I can't help but think that I'm slow. I'm a slow learner. I catch things slow... academic stuff... maths, logic, jokes... My wit (whatever I had to begin with) has disappeared. I'm bound to lose arguments (not serious arguments, I mean those for-fun kinda witty arguments.) I don't think too much before I speak and I regret. I initiate a conversation without paying too much attention to what I'm asking. I'm in such a daze at times. In the lab, with friends, outside, wherever. I don't even remember the dates and days. I respond slowly when people ask me simple questions. I let things just slip by. Why am I in such a daze.

WAke up WAke UP!!!!

Smitten.

If I were were a guy, I'd be smitten by that voice. So gentle and sweet and pleasant and polite. I lost some important stuff and have to make some phone calls to cancel some stuff... and the lady on the other end of the line is just so demure, so nice and so sweet...that it was soothing just hearing her voice. hahaha. No wonder phone operators and telemarketeers are usually female.

Anyway, after donkey years, I went to Ubin again! It's sooooo erm... populated with durian and rambutan trees hahaha. Was pretty surprised that it was so easy to get there via the 10min boat ride. Had plenty of cheap thrill eating rambutans knocked off trees and durian hunting (stiff competition with other retiree-looking durian hunters) at mosquitoe-infested sites. Green rambutans are actually quite edible you know. Just not as fleshy and succulent. Not too bad tho. Walked and navigated around the only two beaches which are simple, uninhabited and nice. A good spot for spacing out/ thinking/ stoning.

The next time I'm going there, I'm renting a bike. Walking to the beach takes 45minutes by the way. And bike rental for the whole day's just $2. okie. Oh yah, look out for misleading signs and for fat slanted 'M' shape road signs that're supposed to indicate a bendy/winding road ahead. It's really out of shape. bleah.

Souped Specs.

One day, I souped up my phone. Go read about it in my old entries. And today, my friend happily reminded me that I once souped up my specs. It happened so... that I was eating something soupy. Ban mian was it? I have no idea. With who? I don't remember. Oh wait I remember, it was at holland V. It was dumpling hor fun. And I remembered that my specs' screws came loose and my lenses fell PlomP into my soup. I had to fish it out with chopsticks and I had no idea what I did next. Probably washed it in the toilet. My Gosh. How silly and embarrassing. I suppose such stuff don't happen to other people, does it?

Now there, cheekiest... I think I told u about it before on the phone. Not through my blog lah. BLEaH.

Migraine: My Pain, My Bane

There it came again. 22nd June. Half way through MSNing, I can't even look at the computer screen properly anymore. Some bits look blurred off and the lights in the room became way too glaring. It's as if someone adjusted the contrast level to unbearable limits. It was coming. After the half-hour painless tiny window which I hurriedly bathed and dried my hair, I popped a panadol actifast and sent myself straight to bed.

Panadol actifast doesn't work against migraine. I became more and more sensitive to the lights and noises around me. Simple voices screeched and scratched my senses. The pounding headache took on a different form this time. My right eye and the whole patch around it felt so dense. It was so very dense that some sort of blackhole inside my head, right behind my eye, seemed to be sucking up all of my energy, all my sensations and all of me. I felt numbed, pained and frustrated all at the same time. And there's nothing I can do about it. It's the beginning.

The rest of the night passed in pain. That horrible dense,heavy, hurtfully numbing pain. I can't describe it. It hurts right behind my eye and that area right in front of the eye feels so numb. An unreachable patch that I can do nothing about. And there's the bitterly acidic and putrid mess that churns around in my stomach to such an unbearable level that I had to let it all out... only to leave a cramped-up bloated hollowness in my stomach.

Really thankful to have mum make me warm glucose as a temporary filler for my tummy.

There goes. Pain at the back of my left eye. Acidic violent churning in my stomach. Off to the toilet to release the sour mess. Slump back into bed. More thumping dense pain, more churning... off the toilet...

I must have gone for about 4 or 5 times before I fell asleep. Woke up at 1 the next to tell inform some people that I can't be at lab, can't be at a dinner, can't be at outing, can't be at a session... can't be everywhere. I just slept through Friday. The pain went away, more or less, as long as I moved gingerly. The only unsettling thing was the bland tastelessness in my mouth. There's also the nausea... real or psychological? I have no idea.

But there's something I'm really sure of: Having someone right beside you through the whole thing is therapeutic in itself. I wonder if this applies to all other situations... like pregnancies/child labour and what nots.

Here's more on migraine:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine
http://www.migrainetrust.org/

Long morbid entry indeed. Migraine-- My Pain and my Bane.
(PS: Don't mind my grammar / sp. Can't stare at the screen too long.)

Missing. Lost. Gone.

I don't understand how things can go missing. I seriously don't, especially if you remember leaving them here, there or there. It has to be there.Perhaps it got stolen. Perhaps it dropped somewhere. Perhaps my dog ate it. Perhaps it dissolved into the air. Perhaps it grew legs and ran away. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It's annoying. It's a cruel joke. I hate losing things.

And I hate politics. I so hate it. Why does it have to infiltrate every corner of everywhere.

Why am I losing my writing fingers and why am I just ranting and spewing and poofing up my entries. I've lost it. The words don't come to me anymore.

Emo is a new word i picked up. So I'm all emo. Pissed. Frustrated. The very thing that boiled me up then is fuelling my volcano now. I don't get angry often. Don't make me angry. Don't.

New Blogskin!!!

Many thanks to buddy CZL for working hard on this blogskin! muahaha.

I like my new blogskin. :D

Snippets of what Made (or not) My Day

Went notebook shopping and bought 3. I'm a user of great notebooks. Ringbound kind. Lines would be good. Blank freestyle ones are just as good. If you have no idea what to get me for my birthday, A5 size ring-bound notebooks are perfectly fine :D Of course, I have other stuff on my wishlist. Which I don't remember. search my older entries.

Found the perfect shoes that I wanted to get. But... NO SizEEEEE. Why is it always like that. Gonna try another branch soon.

Found 2 new friends in my lab! hahha I'm no loner anymore! muahaha! And I'm way relieved to know that I'm not the only blur dudette who does something wrong everyday. hahaha.

I did something wrong today again. Grew some seeds in the wrong petri dish. Tried to undo things. *keeps fingers crossed* Finally, after three rounds of manipulating scapels and cutting little leaves, I can finally make some decent clean cuts on my precious little leaves! ( Never mind if it doesn't make sense to u. haha) Oh yah, it's the first time my mentor/supervisor raised her voice... no no, not scolding me... she's just stunned that I skipped lunch and I'm taking forever to cut some leaves. Well... hundreds of little leaves actually. haha. Actually, if I were my mentor, I'd just faint at the all the mistakes since day1. Really thank God for her patience... and for my new found nice friends! :D

Ladida. Quite happy. Celebrated mummy's birthday today and had chilli crabs! What a delight!

One day. One day I'll be able to play B7. and how come it's so hard to find the guitar chords for a simple regular happy birthday song?

Team Manager: All in a day's work

5:30 Wakey wakey time. Snoozed alarm.
5:45 Woke up in shock and loaded myself with egg, cheese and bread.
7:00 Reported to adventure race HQ. Mingled around with team... took photos...
9 plus watched team douse themselves with longkang water and try to plug holes with moss and leaves. Took photo.
11 plus Missed team returning to checkpoint and felt really disappointed.
1 plus Toppled many bicycles at the transition are with my antics. Many bikes, many times :X
2:00 My team returned! Chit chat laugh laugh
4 plus prize presentations! My team is runner up! And their buddy buddy team is champs! muahaha. More photos!
4 + + + Time to bring bikes back to rental place. Never road so many diff bikes on the same day. Got cheap thrill from reckless speeding at ECP.
8 plus Got a big big lift home :) Thanks Thanks hehe

Exercising puts me on natural high. And if I were to go adventure racing, there's one bunch of people I would go with-- my bunch of footdrill-doing, bandage tying jie meis who shared the waterless, toiletless and sparsely vegetated Tuas campsite in the days of our youth. With them, it's like... Sure can! chiong ah!

Pick of the day
Lost my fave white guitar pick... and found a new not-so-pretty pick that's turned into my new found favourite! It's not flat like my old pick and it's ever so slightly curved that i can't tell by looking it it... and it makes my chords and my strums sound better! hahaha~

Lettuce Experienceza

4th trip to the lab and still getting a lot of nonos about the certain skills that I have yet to develop while using forceps and getting my head out of the fume hood. To think I bumped my head twice into the glass screen that's supposed to prevent wierd gases within the fume hood from hovering too close to my face. Learning Learning. Nobody laughed at me though. I will probably be the only one who will be laughing out loud. haha. I should laugh at myself more, and become way less nervous and self-conscious and think more about the project and about being alert and friendly and ready to learn!

Today, I got my own box of XS gloves and some other lab stuff! Makes me feel professional. hahaha. I sorta found a little space as my seat. hehe... Now I'm getting a little somewhere.

Learning in progress! And may my journalling-after-every-session grow more and more helpful!

Now, I got to stop feeling and acting childishly. Humph.

Random sputters

I want to change my blogskin and add a section with links for less gloomy and more-fun-to-read entries. But, I have little idea as to how to do that.

I was given a brand new bright red kipling bag with the significant gorilla missing. Okie, but I still like it. haha.

I know nothing about adventure racing and I'm a team manager for the coming games.

I wonder how I pulled through being basketball scorer for the last games when I don't play much.

The thought of my family leaving this earth or me leaving my family behind brings tears to my eyes.

My friends are coming over to celebrate our friend's bday and I have little intentions of packing my room.

Im still fiddling with the guitar. Two-and-a-half-months and I'm still at it.

The number one criteria for whom it may concern to qualify for my consideration of changing my single status would be that he loves God more then he loves me.

-Pls leave drop me a smiley tag or a hello tag if u're reading yah :) -

Talk about driving. I've completely procrastinated and pushed it back to some nowhere. It's not on my priority list but I should just get my Basic over and done with right? Oh bother. 2 days of lab just went by. It wasn't all that bad. I don't know why I made it sound so bad whenever my friends ask me about it. I'm just a little nervous in the lab... that's all. With all the new equipment and all the safety precautions... I don't exactly know what to do with them. Not used to sticking my head out of the fume hood while working with bacteria... and I need to pick up quite a handful of hand and wrist gymnastics to manoeuvre forceps and sterile no. 11 scapels in order to make clean cuts in Lactuca Sativa aka Lettuce for their healthy regeneration. No idea what I'm talking about? Don't worry about it. I have never encountered those till now. I'm really thankful for my friendly prof and smiley post-grad supervisor though. With my scarily lacking lab skills, I secretly wonder if they have regretted taking me in under their care. hahaha. I've plenty to learn about being meticulous and immaculate and alert and honest and steady. I'll work hard! Promise! I'm here to learn and even if it means having to embarrass myself by asking silly questions, I will ask. I'll no longer whine and I'll keep learning and learning :) And may this glorify Your Name.

Reading up all about lettuce and starting urops tomorrow. Quite excited actually. (when there's no pressure from school ladeedaaaa... lalala) And there's the qn. Am I that persuaded to move in that direction? MCB?

S. O. S.
Severe Output Syndrome

For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to have jelly legs, a hurting stomach and a sore digestive tract. I have no idea what's wrong with me or what I ate, but I awoke half an hour after I entered dreamland at 2.30am to rush my way to the bathroom. This was just the beginning. At 15minute intervals, my stomach would be hurt uncomfortably and I'd set off for my next toilet trip. I finally appreciated the nearness of the toilet to my room. After countless trips, I finally downed a bottle of po chai pills and they're really effective. Really really effective!!! And I'm finally off to bed at 6am... and dozed like a baby.

This is gross man. The worse case of uncontrollable output discomfort. To think I'm sharing such gross stuff. Eeks.

Yah, and this is a free advertisement for po chai pills.
oh yah, and panadol actifast works well for headaches too.

I still feel like mourning over the something that shattered. I wonder how long I'll take. I don't have much time.

I want to turn my back on all that distracts me. Like anime. Anime is turning into an addiction that takes the place of the important. I have to quit this hollowing out of my mind.

Tried that Big mac recite-the-jingle-thing and got free ice-cream. muahaha. But that's the end of my cheap thrill.

Got home and checked my results. The worst I have ever seen. It's a plummet and a heavy drag-down, a far cry from all my previous grades.

Something in the air shattered. Something feels heavier. Maybe I should not have done something.

I got my project. Lettuce it is.

But something has shattered.

Lettuce project don't matter any more.

Somethings feel wrong.

Maybe tomorrow will be better when I get over it.

And lettuce project may help me heal.

It is so clear, that it is no oxymoron that one can be interested in something one is not good at.

And I know it so dear that
The Lord is my Shepherd.