The vicious cycle

There's no regret if you thought it was better that you left.
There's no reminiscence if you didn't remember what it was like.
There's nothing to remember.
A blank piece of paper.
A new beginning.
Another story,
yet the same ending.

But all these, a delusion.

Yet another letter-- Slipper Swish III

The 1st letter as of 22 months ago: swish swash I
The 2nd letter as of 15months ago: swish swash II

A third letter from slipper swish-- old, weathered and weary.

The slipper. Washed towards another shore and singing another song.

The song? One that hints of another final letter. The coming of a swan song.

Dear so-and-so,

thank you very much for your kind patience and guidance. Without a doubt, I see a sincere heart filled with the most genuine concern for my growth and stretching. But just as waves crash helplessly against unmoving rocks, your kind words have merely washed over me. Little seeped in, and little changed my heart. The waves can push and crash harder, but each push and crash only reveals how unmoving and resistant rocks are. Rocks stand still. Rocks stand hard. Rocks stand cold. I propose to finish up my duties for the year as a close. Perhaps, we need to have a meeting soon.

Yours sincerely,
Slipper swish.

Back back back.

So many little lines have been running through my head.
Echoes from here, there, and elsewhere.

Drunkards get drunk on alcohol;
Nerds on knowledge; and
mugging undergraduates on coffee.

If you don't mind your looks, nobody will mind you.

I'm dispensable.

How much are memories worth? To keep or not to keep the box of cards that I received during my teenage years?

The few transitions in life at 12, 16, 18 and 21 will throw u off balance and change u.

My personality doesn't seem to go well with what is expected of one in the work force.

When you were young and much younger, being truly caring and sincere was more effortless. Then, the world hardens u in the name of streetwise-ness and the struggle begins.

My transition may turn into drudgery, if I'm not careful.

I need to get back to driving school.

Apologies to the faithful who've been browsing this humble blog which has succumbed to a bout of lazy silence and inactivity.

2 months of silence does not equate with 2 months of bustling elsewhere. It has been a 2 months of neither-here-nor-there. An in-between lull period choked with indecisiveness and lukewarm attempts to get something started. There's the scattered emotional shuttling between lethargic contentment and passive disatisfaction. The keywords are "lethargic" and "passive". I'm neither contented nor satisfied, and I'm doing nothing about it.

I feel like a ballon that's floating away. Filled with an emptiness some might call air, I drift higher and higher, go further and further and feel lighter and lighter. Soon, I become more and more detached. Obstinacy and pride steers me further away from the hand that's released my little string. Away and away from my only anchor to the ground. Tossed and ruffled by the winds with whispers of dreams and reaching the clouds, I float to a distant nowhere.

Paradoxes

Paradox 1: Life comes through death.
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)

Lord, even martyrs who gave their lives for a cause, and in death, gave life to the purpose they championed, showed how the end of something marked the continuation of another. I've so wanted to remain a preserved seed, retreating into the safety of my comfort zone and paving the way for a time of no growth. I want to keep my eyes onJesus, who in His death, gave life and salvation to all who believe. I want to learn to give my life for His purpose.


Paradox 2: Keeping comes through giving.
The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (John 12:25)

Lord, too many a times, I horde my life for selfish ambition and security, which turns my heart all sour, inward-looking and crumbling . You are a God who gives abundently. Others who give generously and sacrificially inspires. Father, I give you my life.


Paradox 3: Honour comes through serving.
Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, myservant also will be. My Father will honour the one who serves me. (John 12:26)

Lord, teach me to move forward with boldness and passion, to give no matter what responses I'll receive. Slander, accusation and misundersanding are not the end. I see Your promise of life and honour in serving and giving. May I act on Your Word and obey You always.

In Christ's name,
Amen.

WHy....

Why do Christians say grace?
Read here

How to be sure I'm a Christian?
How do I pray?
How do I break free from sin etc etc etc....
Read here

PS.: Hey mortal, I hope these webbies and their links will be a helpful read ya? :)

57

Number of the day: 57
Time: ~11.15pm
Venue: Citilink mall, bench.
Activity: Eating instant heat-up crab n cheese pizzas from 7-11 with sis.
Response: Stares from passer-bys. Approximately 57 in total who met us eye-ball to eye-ball (hungry? hahaha) and looked away in awkwardness.
Comments: One way to get noticed is to eat 7-11 pizzas.
Tagline of the day: 7-11, it's a store and more!

The Song.

~天冷就回来~
陈洁仪

从前对着收音机
学唱旧的歌
我问妈妈为什么
伤心像快乐
妈妈笑着说
她也不懂得'
我想出去走一走
妈妈点点头
天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
妈妈眼里有明白
还有一丝无奈
天冷我想回家
童年已经不再
昨天的雨点洒下来
那滋味叫做爱
wu...
别在风中徘徊
wu...
天冷就回来

渐渐对着收音机
学唱新的歌
我问朋友为什么
做梦也快乐
朋友笑说
他从不相信梦
我想出去走一走
朋友点点头
天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
朋友的眼里有明白
还有一份期待
天冷我想回家
年少已经不再
今天的雨点洒下来
那滋味就是爱

现在对着收音机
听自己唱的歌
我的他问为什么
幸福不快乐
我微笑着说
我也不懂得
他想出去走一走
我对他点点头
天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
我猜我眼里有明白
还有一丝无奈
天冷他没回家
我仍然在等待
明天的雨点洒下来
那滋味就是爱
wu...
别在风中徘徊
wu...
天冷就回来

Some funny test

I'm on a non-blogging streak ever since I got a job... and so... I'll amuse you with the results of my "What's your goddess identity?" test.

Here's some crappily flattering results:

JT, you're an Angel!

Just like the haloed and winged guardians of good, you truly have a heart of gold, sweet Angel. Whenever there's a chance to pitch in, save the day or just make life easier for the people around you, you're the one for the job.You don't just jump in without planning — you use your angelic head to figure out how to do things right the first time, like only the most dependable goddesses can. Whether brainstorming a new solution to a problem, planning a surprise party for your parents, or lending your friends a wing to cry on, you've got the right instincts, so follow them whenever you can. As natural as it is for you to take care of the people around you, don't forget to treat yourself right, too. The best friendships, and loves, of a lifetime tend to blossom when you become your own guardian angel. So don't listen to those who say nice girls finish last. People have always seen you as a goddess of thoughtfulness and good intentions, and it hasn't slowed you down a bit. All in all, Angel, you've got it made with your glowing attitude and ability to see from on high. So get out there and change the world!

Eggs.

As mentioned, eggs are a cook's best friend.

About the temporary dosmetic management

As temporary as this bus-stop sign is, I've been allocated the responsibilities of being the domestic management for the next two weeks. Duties include: -

1) Washing and ironing.
Lesson learnt: Appreciate the sun while it shines.




2) Sweeping and mopping.
Lesson learnt: Dog hair makes up the bulk of the dust.




3) Feeding and coaxing the sulky dog.
Lesson learnt: Appreciate his company.




4) Cooking and washing up.
Lesson learnt 1: Eggs are a cook's best friend.



Lesson learnt 2: Nobody complains about your cooking when you're cooking for yourself.
Lesson learnt 3: You get so bored that you take photos of the 8 steps of cooking a one-dish meal.

Figure 1: Steps 1-3


Figure 2: Steps 4-6


Figure 3: Steps 7-8


Final lesson learnt: Food tastes better when you share it with someone, even if its the spoilt and sulky dog.

I-am-sorry

The three words that the deceitful and proud heart refuses to acknowledge. The three words that, when finally acknowledged and conceived, twist back and forth in my heart and mind. And after making endless circles, the words finally make it to the throat, only to get stuck there.

I think I owe these three heart-felt words to a lot of people. A giganormous apology debt. My debt? Where from? From and for the things I did, said, and forgot. There're promises I've broken and forgotten. There're things I've said which hurt and cut. There're relationships I've taken for granted and forgotten. There're people I've disappointed. There're people whom I ran away from and left bewildered and frustrated. There're people whom I've hurt through the way I treated them. There're people whom I wanted to walk with through ups and downs but I failed. I'm sorry.

I am sorry.

I never had the courage to say these three words. Or acknowledge that I've hurt you... Maybe some of these people aren't even upset with me to begin with, maybe they've forgotten it all. But I regret what I did and didn't do. I am sorry.

I pray that I'll find the courage to face my regret and surrender it to the Lord together with my pride.

Despite these regret-filled shadows, I know the mercies of the Lord are new every morning, new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness O Lord. Great is thy faithfulness.

NC-9: Prehistoric War

Let me show you the picture I've promised...

The picture depicting violence, outroar and WAR between pre-historic animals...

The scariest war that ever raged between the minds and pens of a 21 year-old and a 9 year-old...

I bring you...

The Dinosaur Wars.



If you would just look at the pic, you'd see who's attacking who and whom came to save who. The war was exciting while it raged. And I seriously enjoyed it. The most creative creatures were obviously drawn by the most humble and cute... 9 year old cousin of yours truly.

Read more about him here.

I think he brings out the kid in me, and reminds me of the sweet and carefree ways of childhood. Who cares about my age, it was fun while I skipped, raced and bobbed along the endless passageways of Guangzhou airport hand-in-hand with him. And the good thing is, nobody suspected that I was aged anywhere above 15. hahaha. okie I promised China stories and I'll get to them soon. soon.)

JT the movie-reviewer again.

The Usher eyeballed me a few times before he decided that I was over 16 and I was off to watch King and the Clown.

The movie. It felt so tragic.

After squirming in my seat and shaking my head at the serious sexual innuendo and obvious sexual jokes (which whacked you in the face 15 minutes into the show), I got amazed at how pretty boy Gong-gil was really so pretty. Sharp features, gentle smile, slender build and lady-like composure. Then you make your slow plunge into the darkness of the perverse human nature. You see a teary Gong-gil victimized by the ability of the vile, rich and authorative to manipulate the poor and powerless into unwilling sacrifice of their flesh and bodies. Tragic. Lust is a scary thing. And male lust for younger males. Disturbing.

At the same time, you get a small inlet into the lives and misery of every character that stirs complex and mixed emotions... like sympathy, outrage and fear all at the same time. I despise the King for being tyranic and psychotic. Yet, he somehow wrenched sympathy from me because of his sad childhood and upbringing amidst domestic upheaval and murder. But that's no excuse for being a cold-blooded and violent murderer who ridiculed and frustrated his most loyal subjects.

I ache at the helplessness of the loyal subjects, who served 3 Kings through the rise and falls of their empires, and resigned to suicide as the expression of their hopelessness in working for a stubborn tyrant. Stubborn is an understatement.

And then you see the somewhat ambiguous friendship between the two protagonists, Jang-Seng and Gong-gil... One trying so hard to protect the other. Brotherhood or something more? I insist on thinking it as brotherhood.

Plenty of drama on power play, nepotism, political schemes and murder.

And on a more artistic note, there's a certain depth that I haven't fathomed. Something Jang-Seng mentioned... now that he was truly blind (physically) to the world, the world was truly his stage. It was something about being past caring about authorities and influences, something about perceiving life as a play, something about darkness and light, about pain and numbness, about something that tugs away at the strings of my heart.

And yes, tears welled up in my eyes. And the show set me thinking. I don't know if I'd say it's a show worth watching coz there's too much perverseness in it that made me really sad.

King and the Clown.

The clowns put up a show,

so satirical, so cynical, so bold.

The King laughed at the show,

so cutting, so revealing, so cold.

I watched a show,

so dark, so disturbing, as it's told.

Blogging Worth

My blog is actually worth money? So amusing hahaha. Eh, the estimate is wrong. My blog is priceless ok. hahaha. I wonder how's all the calculation's done.

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Spree

I went on a shopping spree and exchanged more than $100 for a series of odds and ends I deemed exciting and necessary for work. Or are they? Ah whatever. Anyway, I bought this pretty $15 dollar top yesterday, much to my satisfaction, at this outlet which usually carries them at something like $39.90. Shop name? BIFC. I like clothes from there. Start saving money for my bday present if you like. (What's with my intensifying BHB aura?! I can't stand it myself.)

And... I gave my heart to this dark metallic silver weave bag which passed my strict qualifiyng criterias of being spacious, multi-pocketed with ergonomically-designed straps and being safely neutral for most fashion police. But being your typical sale-shopper out for best bargains, I lingered around for too long and other more quick-handed and generous shoppers have snapped up every last piece of my BAG. *heart-broken* I saw this bag again yesterday, selling for twice the price. Maybe I'll find it again tomorrow, which has been desginated as my next shopping day. haha.

Quote of the day (dedicated to the workforce):

The day after Sunday and before Tuesday... the unspoken day. -- Flubby

There and Here, Home and Back.

I've been back from Hainan for about a week now and I have tons and tons and tons of things to blog about. If I'd internet connection and a lappy over in China, I'd have told you about my extended family history going 6 generations back, since pre-WWII days to post colonialist periods, together with bits and pieces of village (civil) wars, politics and romance. I think I should compile an autobiography of my grandmother's life (revealed in the form of bedtime story-like chit chat) and sell it to TCS. From there I'd make the greatest load of copyright fees and what nots for the hottest and longest drama serial. Better than 真情 I assure you. Nono, I'm not a commercialised dudette. I just think my family history beats those tv-drama formulas hands down!

I've whet your appetite, haven't I? One of these days I'll blog about my trip to China, back to the villages which connected the then and the now, the poverty and the wealth, the romance and the rivalries. I don't know how much dirty laundry I can wash in a public blog, but when I intend to get enigmatic and crpytic, you know that I'm at the limits of saying too much.

Watch out for my next few entries. (All rights reserved to turn lazy and hold the stories.)

(Picture? You're looking at the endless doorways of my grandfather's hometown in China.)

Global Day of Prayer 2006

I have never seen so many Christians in my life. Twenty-four thousand of them. All praying and worshipping the Lord. Across denominations, beyond language and race differences, we all prayed. And for the first time in my life, I sang praise in unison with 24000 other brothers and sisters under the immensely vast and beautiful sky. I looked up and knew that God truly deserves all glory and praise.

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom
coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

More Nostalgia

The same old bus stop with tiled floors and orange seats.

(Just in case u're wondering about that ghastly ghostly figure in the billboard reflection. That's me. hahaha.)

Another wave of nostalgia. Nah, guess that I'm just moving a bit faster than most of my peers. And I just get this picture that they'll be waving at me... and I'll be off into the next phase. And without even noticing, hustles and bustles will just filter in and cloud the memories. Okie, maybe it's not that bad. But this nostalgia thing just hits me once somebody says that they'll miss the times we had.

Tears were welling up yesterday when my grandma brought me to her room and gave me a warm hug, telling me how happy she was that I was graduating. And how my late grandpa told her to take care of all of the grandchildren... how I was the apple of their eyes... and how I'm finally graduating. I hope can get a pass for her at my grad ceremony.

Dear peeps, all of you are invited to come and celebrate the start of my new phase on 8th July, 10am. Erm, venue and stuff, I'll tell u all again k! :) Come and take photos with me! haha~



Quote of the day:
What matters is not what you believe,
What matters is the Truth.

What you believe is not going to change the Truth.
Truth is absolute.

(Sneak preview of next entry: Prehistoric wars and Art that puts you to shame)

Late night cravings...

I want milo. Milo Float. Vanilla to be exact....

Graduation is for real.

I'm graduating. It's surreal. I had no feelings. Until my friend smsed to tell me that she'd miss having lunch with me. Suddenly my fingers started to tremble. And the waves of nostalgia came. I'll miss my friends. I won't be with them anymore. You can't be together forever like that. You don't move together. Nobody does things for the sake of doing them anymore. Like crashing lectures just to be with your friend. Or rushing from one faculty to another just to meet your friend for lunch so she won't be alone and you won't be alone. No more V-day gift exchanges and mass sharing of presents. No more sweetie pie notes and cute "jiayou" smses. No more late night smuggling of coffee into computer labs and hush-hush eyeing of 70-percents and eye candy. Neither cranky jokes and the liberty to be loud, candid and even brash. No more gushing, no more acting cute and no more being blur. No more mugging in the library, no more fooling around in the labs, no more cheap thrill of smuggling food into LTs and libraries. No more freezing exam halls, no more printing of lecture notes. No more playful jokes and silly puns. No. No more.

If there's none of these, then what comes next?

I should be celebrating and yet I feel like cry.

Don't play me Vitamin C's "Graduation" now. I will cry. I miss the people in school. Regrets about school life? Maybe. For not studying harder? For not joining CCAs? For not making more friends? For not being involved in school? No, not really.

The only regret is perhaps, being half-hearted.

Neither hot nor cold, neither here nor there. Fit for nothing.

Yet fit for the King.

He qualifies who He calls and my tomorrow lies in His hands. To bid half-heartedness farewell is to trust and obey.

"When we walk with the Lord

In the light of His Word

What a glory He sheds on our way

While we do His good will

He abides with us still

And with all who will trust and obey

Trust and obey

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey

Not a shadow can rise

Not a cloud in the skies

But His smile quickly drives it away

Not a doubt, not a fear

Not a sigh, not a tear

Can abide while we trust and obey."

Everyday

My home.


My cuddly fluffball...


who faithfully waits for us to come home everyday...


and wags his little tail in habitual expectation to be hugged and carried like a spoilt brat...


up to my room.

Been there, Done that, Thought so.

That's the title of a book actually.

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." (Matthew 5:13)

Salt-- a preservative. a flavour. a thirst-maker. And that's what Christians are called to be. An eternal preservative through sharing of the message, a true flavour through purposeful and meaningful living, and one who draws others to thirst and know the ONE God.



No particular reason for putting this sheep here. It's a cutie pinkie sheepie from Settler's cafe, complete with couches, sofas, cushions, soft toys and plenty of board games... quite a good hangout for friends... with western food and oreo shakes and ice-cream floats.

Food rhymes with mood. For this lame reason, I have the excuse for writing about that which struck me today... about how easily excitable people like me should not be overwhelmed by the ups and downs of life.

"There are certain things in life that we need not pray about -- moods, for instance. We will never get rid of moodiness by praying, but we will by kicking it out of our lives. Moods nearly always are rooted in some physical circumstance, not in our true inner self. It is a continual struggle not to listen to the moods which arise as a result of physical condition, but we must never submit to them for a second. We have to pick ourselves up by the back of the neck and shake ourselves; then we will find that we can do what we believed we were unable to do. The problem that most of us are cursed with is simple that we won't. The Christian life is one of spiritual courage and determination." (My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers)

Look at a half-finished cross stitch from the bottom and you see a mess of strings. But take a look at it from the top... and you'll see a beautiful picture in the making. Moods and circumstances take a different light when you look at the things as from the Above.

Of foods and moods, here's some food for thought... some quote of the day thingie I used to have. Here's another one.

OKieeeee!!! Photos photos here they come!
I've been wanting to blog but haven't managed to bolt myself to the seat... and get photoshop and blogger to work for me. I wanna learn flash! And dreamweaver! And... I'm up for kickboxing next sat! hahaha. And I've finally made a slow start at driving school... yes yes I'm on my way... and here's the photos...

This is ze Moonriver River Restaurant... a nice jazzy place furnished with couches!! haha. The lighting is relaxingly dim... and there's dark blue panels, artsy wall pics, bookshelves... and desserts, cakes and food, food and more food! Serves Western food and Japanese curry (comes in normal, spicy and extra spicy. My pick? spicy.)

My pick of the day at Moonriver was... the homestyled fish! Crispy and super tender and soft and juicy! haha. See the herbs in the fish? There's oregano in it! And the potato and brocoli are blanched or erm stir-fried... I don't know what they did to them but there's a really nice and light buttery smell which is not at all oily! Butter rice wise.... I think you should go try Pepper Lunch (arm yourself with $10-15) :p Anyways, good to have at least $20 with you at Moonriver.

More food over here. This has been endearingly termed as the budget Western food! ($10 bucks will do for a meal!) Welcome to Hans. You're looking at ze Sirloin steak together with ze cream of potato soup-of-the-day as well as toasts and orange juice and honey dew... Hmmm. Well. I think I still miss Bobby Rubino's tossed salad. Honey mustard please. (Bobby Rubino's? Bring your credit card :X)

After you're done with budget Western food... you go to the ladies at Tampines Mall... and you see one of the ideal toilets!!! (Yeah, I blogged about toilets. Go read the toilet's 'Must' and 'Must nots') What you see is actually the mirror reflection of ze toilet! Thumbs up for big, fingerprint-free mirror and nice couches in the toilet! And there're dressing counters/ tables/ make-up stations for ppl too! This is one good public toilet you can sit and have girlie chat in... haha.

And when you get home from a good heavy meal with a good old friend, you'd be drowsy and tired... and ready for a warm bath and bed. Upon emerging from the lift, you realise....

You can't get to your house without balancing on some shakey wooden planks which weren't there in the afternoon. Guess this happens when PAP had a walkover in your consituency haha. Floorworks and upgrading. Well, after performing balancing acts for a few days, it seemed a little worthwhile that the corridor looks much neater and cleaner after that. :)

With that, I end with 2 pictures, freaky to different extents.

Picture no. 1:
Scenario: I was half-awake, rushing off to camp at 7am when I saw a girl with long black hair lying on the pavement, curled up and unconscious... My heart skipped a few beats and I wondered what I should do...



Then I shook my head and rubbed my eyes... It wasn't a girl. It's a black trash bag with white paper and branches spilling out of it. Sheeesssh.

Picture no. 2:
Scenario: I was waiting for the bus when I spotted something squiggly squirming and worming from the corner of my eye. It's something spikey. No, make it hairy. It's a Hairy yellow caterpillar with a one-inch long spike near it's head!!



See that brownish black spike jutting out hear it's orange head? Gross! I wonder if it's part of the caterpillar or if it's a poor caterpillar that has been struck by a sharp twig... And out of all my curiousity, I stood there staring... and with my lousy phone that has no zoom function, I had to place my phone within just one mere inch of this hairy thingie to get a decent picture. So appreciate it ya.

Till my next entry... tata.

Fluffball Grooming

I absolutely detest grooming. I say this once again. WHaT'S WroNG with MY ruffled HaiR?! Who likes having a slicker run down your spine to the edge of your crown of glory (I refer to my tail), which I bother to wag daily to amuse the people species?!?! Prrrthhhh.

Crossroad Mumble-Jumble

Leaping. From primary school to secondary school. And from Secondary school to JC. Then from JC and halfway almost not to Uni. Now, we're going from Uni to near graduation.

Time check: 1 day after exams.
Event: Had a wonderful dinner with dear jie meis at Bobby Rubino's, Chijmes.
Emotion of the moment: Sinking into the uncertainty of reality.

Some pictures for you:









Chijmes is such a pretty place. Food was so good, we dined before photography came to mind.

Pretty places aside...

Thoughts a-fumble.

Will I graduate? Will I do honours? Should I get a job? Full-time Job? Part-time job? Should I be getting my resume done? Get a professional photo taken? Shop for professional clothes? Make-up? New specs? Flip newspapers for jobs? Upload my resume on job search? Go take on Project serve for a while? Start driving lessons? Start making phone calls to check out kickboxing/ hip hop lessons? Get my friends to start exercising? Start playing bball in preparation for teen games? Start thinking about ministry? Start thinking about what I want to work as? Think about my calling? Think about my vocation? Think about what am I doing in this life? Think about how distracted I am? Think about why I want to leave certain things behind?

Exams. The safe period where you can just lock everything else out and escape into mugging. Now that it's over, the memories come fumbling back.

Welcome to the ocean again, slipper swish.

See what I see

More I wannas...

More stuff that I wanna read...

1. This webbie now that I can vote: http://www.elections.gov.sg/
2. The newspapers -- The Straits Time everyday. Thank you.
3. LKY's Memoirs
4. Mere Christianity
5. A Christian Response to the Life Sciences
6. The Spotlight of Faith
7. The Purpose Driven Life
8. I Kissed Dating Goodbye
9. Her Name is Woman
10. the 7 booklets that's been on my shelf for ages
11. The Bonesetter's Daughter

and the tons of books that I have... but havent read.

I should just allocate reading periods for myself hahaha. Oh ya, I desperately need exercise. Jellyfish symptoms coming back. And I need to start building a healthy appetite. Wanna go Jog. Cycle. Blade. Badminton. Not exactly swim. Unless my only swimming buddy's free.

Oh yah, I wanna get shoes/ sneakers in time for my hiphop/kickboxing sessions! (*cross fingers* hopes that the sessions will be timely enough for LS and I to register :X) And a pair of new slippers that doesn't make me slip and sit on the floor while crossing the zebra crossing, especially when I'm wearing a skirt. BLEaHHH.

I wanna....

Durng exams, I'll have this "I wanna do this, this, this, and this" thingie. It hits me everytime. So for this sem, which is prolly my final sem...

I wanna:

1. Go back to driving school
2. Go shop for interview clothes
3. Go sign up for kickboxing or hiphop with LS
4. Go on a trip somewhere to do something meaningful. (Mission trip?? Teach English in China? Maybe return to the Hainan Islands with Grandma)
5. Meet my dearies in ministry and get the ministry fuelled by the students.
6. Seriously think about what I wanna do. Graduate? Honours? What's work all about? Should I be getting outta my little-girl-the-world-is-too-big-and-scary-mode and snap into the world of make-up and professionalism? I have tons to say about make-up the other day. And so I'll say it now.

On Make-up...

Nowadays, when my friends go shopping, they'll make a detour to the Make-up section while I'll be straying somewhere off to the facial wash and hair waxes... and by the time I'm done with my touring, my friends will still be checking out the different eye shadows and blushers and foundations and bases and nail polishes and bla bla bla... and it's a foreign world to me.

Nah, I've nothing against make-up. Just that I don't own it and I don't use it. Maybe coz I don't know how. Make-up can make you or break you, depending on your skill, which according to many, comes with practice. Secondly, I get this feeling that it'z gonna clog your pores and ruin your skin. I don't use make-up, but I'm still vain enough to cleanse, tone and moisturize once in a while k.

And I guess the greatest reason is that make-up sounds like the start of a phase that that is no longer simple and sincere... and it's part of a world that puts so much more emphasis on first impressions and appearances. I don't like that. I don't like to look one way, and actually be another. I can't keep up with appearances. I probably can hold a 15-minute presentation and actually look professional but I can't hide that somewhat kiddish bubbly-ness that will spoil my whole professional image right? I can't walk around in professional heels and trip, can I? (Yes, I tend to trip.) I can't look professional and be ignorant at the same time right? Something about donning a power suit and looking professional scares me. Something screams at me that it's not me at all.

But that's not completely true. I can grow up if I ditch my habitual looking-back, move forward, take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions, find courage to face the unknown and take the process of growing out in my stride. And when I'm close to that, I'll go join my friends at the make-up and contact lenses section.

They complete each other

My dad and mum are just about the 2 cutest parents in the world. Okie, I'm biased but they're my parents. In Ice-age 2 terms, " [they] complete each other". Mum packs my dad's stuff before he flies off. Mum calls the cab to pick dad up. Mum's dad's secretary for all the small stuff. Dad's cool. And knows much more about travelling and business talk and international culture. And he playfully laughs at mum sometimes for her ignorance. But, dad burns the fish and mum has to rescue it. Dad's a panic-mess without mum when he's gonna fly. And mum's a ganjiong spider when dad's not around to fetch her around and work out the groceries... and handle 3 girls who never seem to grow up... oh well, I just love them.

In more modern terms. Mum and dad are like 豆浆油条 (yah, in Lin JunJie's singing terms)

我知道你和我就像是豆浆油条
要一起吃下去味道才会是最好
你需要我的傻笑
我需要你的拥抱
爱情就需要这样它才不会单调

我知道有时候也需要吵吵闹闹
但始终也知道只有你对我最好
豆浆离不开油条
让我爱你爱到老
爱情就需要这样它才幸福美好

Love ya Dad n Mum.

More quizzes

To give this blog some life.... here's sthg. So I'm the bio plant plant animal kinda uni student. and the test says I'm an artie artie major. I think they're right. hahaha. Can i hv the best of both world? Artie scientist? Mmmm.

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

Art		92%
Theater		67%
Dance		67%
Journalism		67%
Linguistics		58%
English		50%
Philosophy		50%
Chemistry		50%
Psychology		50%
Sociology		42%
Anthropology		42%
Biology		42%
Engineering		42%
Mathematics		33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

I like...

I like creativity.
I like throwing out ideas.
I like to brainstorm for new things.
I like to share ideas with people ... and get people to develop them.
I don't like to be suppressed by the systems.
I enjoy meeting people. Younger people maybe.

So, what's the job for me? Mmmm.

All on the loveydoveys.

Another good webbie to visit:

http://www.pureintimacy.org/

My A levels, His story.

The A levels results were released. Some rejoiced and some ended up in tears. Some didn’t know what to do because they had too many options while others cried over having almost nowhere to go. Having to face the future and all the decision-making was one crazy period for these A leavers, especially for those who realised that their University dreams were dashed. Suddenly, the normal flow with the upward stream got disrupted and they seem stranded.

Do we align ourselves and our identity too much with this linear upward hierarchical flow that most believe is synonymous with success? I think so. Since secondary school, I've been psycho-ed to think that getting to a good JC and straight to the University was the only way to go. Note, I said "ONLY way". I truly believed that straying off this 'flowy' tract would imprint the word "failure" on my forehead. So, when I finally got my A level results, I was devastated. I was mingling with possibilities of being the University reject. The word "failure" was slowly scratched into my heart and mind.

I struggled and went through the process of condemning myself, regretting my actions, pushing the blame, questioning God and drowning myself in tears. I was lost. I once had a map-- a map that showed me the route to JC, which then led to Uni and finally to treasure island which had good job prospects. However, when I saw my A level results, someone tore my map of success into shreds. It wasn't just my career prospect that was at risk, my character suffered the greater blow. I prided myself as the under-performing smart person but no, I was definitely under performing and I was not smart. It no longer mattered that I was from a branded school. Look at the word imprinted in my heart -- "Failure". It was a time of mourning.

After a period of I-don't-know-how-long, it struck me that I must take action. If I don't stop mourning, I might just end up with nowhere to go. I was certain that I still wanted to study and I’d go for alternatives, just as long as I could study. There's poly, private schools and perhaps, the University.

I was going down a different road. There's no more street-wise worldly advice from friends and the security-in-numbers mentality was no longer applicable. I was on my own. When I had no one else with me, I turned my eyes to God. He was the only One with me when the others departed down a different lane.

I went to various schools and did multiple applications alone. I was never the independent sort but I had to go alone. I held on to the Lord's promise that He was sovereign and all was perfect and good in His time. I found courage to face all these, knowing that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I learnt to rejoice in knowing that the Lord teaches and disciplines through the process, and that He is perfecting my character through trials. It's my character that mattered to Him and not the mere sheet of certification that supposedly indicated my success or failure. I learnt that God is more concerned about me as a person-- my character and how I live.

Many weeks after the rush for poly and uni application, I got accepted by 2 polys but there was no news from the university. Yet, I knew the Lord was with me, and He gave me the courage to accept my place in one of the polys. I went for the orientation, paid the school fees, prayed, and prepared myself for this route which I never expected myself to take. My parents were supportive and I knew that as long as the Lord was with me, there was no need to be afraid.

Weeks later, I got a surprise. After the traumatic and strenuous episode which taught me submission in waiting for the Lord and changed my perception of the less-treaded upon route, I received another letter. The letter was from the university and I was accepted.

I was stunned and elated. I had no idea how my grades would enable me to enter the university. It could only be God.

The Lord broke my pride but He lifted me up in His grace. Through this episode, He showed me what was important in life. It was the process and my response that was important. The outcome that mattered was my change of heart. It was about trusting and obeying the Lord. God took care of both my spiritual and physical needs and desires. I now see that I cannot do without Him. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!!!

ENFJ-ish

Here's my results for some personality test (which was highly recommended by a friend):
Extraverted
Intuitive
Feeling
Judging


The ENFJs optimistic outlook toward social relationships is a burden to them at times. When external conflicts affect a group, the ENFJ is likely to assume responsibility. Their ability to empathize then turns into a liability. ENFJs, when over-identifying with the pain of others, will loose sight of their own concerns and interests. Their idealism can also be the cause of some distress when their assumptions are unable to weather the winds of reality. Fantasized relationships rarely translate into reality and even the best charismatic leader encounters unexpected resistance. Like all NFs, ENFJs will disassociate themselves from stressful situations in an effort to protect their sense of well-being and togetherness. The ENFJ, however, will repress the unpleasant side of life only to have to face it later in an intensified form when it explodes from its hiding place. It can manifest itself as fits of anger, sudden outbursts, or emotional explosions. Often the ENFJ's body will reflect pent-up stress by manifesting various physical symptoms that will erupt unexpectedly.

Careers
This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

entertainer
recruiter
artist
newscaster
writer/journalist
recreation director
librarian
facilitator
politician
psychologist
housing director
career counselor
sales
trainer
travel agent
program designer
corporate/team trainer
child welfare worker
social worker (elderly...services)
interpreter/translator
occupational therapist
executive: small business
alcohol/drug counselor
sales manager

(PS: that webbie says plenty, but I'm kinda lazy to read it :X )

Girly Youthfulness.

It must be my fringe. Or the fact that I share similar tastes with a sister who's 6 yrs younger. Or perhaps it's the wadrobe that my sisters and I are planning to share.

Here's an account of the shopkeeper-auntie's little conversation with yours truly.
"You are in sec what?"
" Erm... I'm not in sec school anymore..."
" Or, so u're in poly?"
" Actually... no... in uni..."
" Oh, it's your first year?"
" Erm... no.... ... ... "
" It's so good to look young right? You can pretend to be from sec school. "
" Erm. Ha ha." Ha. Ha. Ha.

Yours truly had a good mummy-sponsored, daddy-chauffered and sisters-accompanied CNY shopping experience (spoilt-rotten brat I am). Yours truly is perpetually attracted to the colour white, and recently (and maybe transiently), green. Yours truly is not attracted to extremely girly girly clothes, with some exceptions. Yours truly and her sisters hope to have a shared big walk-in-wadrobe. hahaha. Oh man, what girly utterings.

Guilty website

Perhaps I'm the kinda person who's been wearing myself out by feeling bad... and I realise that I don't have to be plagued by guilt/ guilty feelings if I've understood what guilt really is and what has already been done for me.

Here's a website on Dealing with Guilt

Thank you Lord.

Banana points.

It's just a crappy title. I've been craving for bananas recently. And they make a good, healthy and ever-ready snack.

Some amusing information on ze Banana:
1) anti-ulcer
2) mild laxative effect
3) aphrodisiac
4) helps in regeneration of red blood cells.
5) Banana + milk = a nearly complete balanced diet (power!)


Banana's aside, I've been reading the papers and here's some itzy-bitzies for you:

Itzy-bitzy 1:
This week's URBAN looks at how some celebs share about the similarities between them and their pooches. *Looks at my dog* How am I similar to you? (eeks, unglam un-photoshoped pic)



Oh, yeah, the both of us don't really like starfruit, unless juiced and mixed with honey.

Itzy-bitzy 2:
When shopping gets boring, an inquisitive curiousity towards novelty led me hotel-exploring and Oooo-ing and Ah-ing at posh decor and the classy interior design. That's what ulu-gated people like me do when I step into many-star hotels. But for people like Mr. and Mrs. Ong, they step into exclusive hotels, set their eyes it... and may just acquire it (refer to Straits Times article). Tell me, who steps into a hotel/resort and think, "Looks good, maybe I'll just get it." At best, I'll think the exact same line only when getting little things which require less than green and red notes. It's out of this world to read that there're people who can acquire hotels one after another... I don't even accumulate enough money to do that in a game of Monopoly.

Itzy-bitzy 3:
Taken straight off ST URBAN pg 13... you have....
"Civil defence ... to fend off inquisitive relatives and friends" about singlehood.
Here's some of amusingly feasible suggestions...
1) Fight fire with fire: Ask an equally embarrassing question. Eg. "When are you giving birth?"
2) Binge your way out: Stuff yourself with CNY goodies so that your mouth will be too full to entertain any questions.
3) Play victim: Blame your relatives for not introducing a nice girl/guy to you. And while you're at it, you can also blame your parents, siblings, teachers and the society for your lack of romance.
4) Strength in numbers: Hang around with other singles. If you are with older bachelors or bacherlorettes, even better. They can be canon fodder as you make your escape.
5) Delay tactics: Reply "maybe December" when you relative asks when. Just don't specify the year.

Meanwhile, Happy Cheena New Year! :)

Bitter

It
squirms and squishes
swirls and smudges
stains and spittles
Choked bitter.

Mr Drummer next door

It's been a while since I last strummed out with my little One. The weather got chilly and things grew a little cold between the both of us too.

On my way home yesterday, as I shielded myself with a puny umbrella against the wind and rain, I heard Mr. Drummer from the opposite block doing his thing again. (Well, it could be Miss Drummer doing her thing.) Mr. Drummer practises his new drum beats regularly without fail, be it rain or shine, in warm weather or in chilly ones. When he starts doing his thing, I'll look at my little One, remember our strumming good times and get my fingers to work again.

Eh thanks Mr. Drummer... keep playing!

Webbies i wanna visit

dkproductions
artwire.com

New word of the day:
Podcast: A podcast is a web feed of audio or video files placed on the Internet for anyone to subscribe to. (Wikipedia)
Hmmm... now now... a challenge to mainstream broadcasts? How about censorship? Shrugz.

Dreamie home of the day:
Waterfront bungalows at Sentosa Cove Coral Island -- "Each of the 'regular' bungalows comes with a berth for a 12m yatch, a private swimming pool, a roof terrace, golf store and boat store, kitchen appliances from designer names like Gaggenau, and sanitary wares from luxury brand Villeroy and Boch... ... Extra goodies [for the $13.9M bungalow include] a covered outdoor pavilion, two living rooms, a separate formal dining area, a smaller second dining room, 3 parking spaces for cars, a cloak room, a steam room with an adjoining bathroom, a roof terrace on the 2nd floor and another in the attic." ( The Straits Times)
Giganormous! Children's wonderland for hide and seek! Surreal! But it's nothing compared to my real home. wahahaha.

JT's real home in time to come:
The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long. He measured its wall and it was 144 cubits thick, by man's measurement, which the angel was using. The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass.

Encouraging reminder of the day:
"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.