I wanna....

Durng exams, I'll have this "I wanna do this, this, this, and this" thingie. It hits me everytime. So for this sem, which is prolly my final sem...

I wanna:

1. Go back to driving school
2. Go shop for interview clothes
3. Go sign up for kickboxing or hiphop with LS
4. Go on a trip somewhere to do something meaningful. (Mission trip?? Teach English in China? Maybe return to the Hainan Islands with Grandma)
5. Meet my dearies in ministry and get the ministry fuelled by the students.
6. Seriously think about what I wanna do. Graduate? Honours? What's work all about? Should I be getting outta my little-girl-the-world-is-too-big-and-scary-mode and snap into the world of make-up and professionalism? I have tons to say about make-up the other day. And so I'll say it now.

On Make-up...

Nowadays, when my friends go shopping, they'll make a detour to the Make-up section while I'll be straying somewhere off to the facial wash and hair waxes... and by the time I'm done with my touring, my friends will still be checking out the different eye shadows and blushers and foundations and bases and nail polishes and bla bla bla... and it's a foreign world to me.

Nah, I've nothing against make-up. Just that I don't own it and I don't use it. Maybe coz I don't know how. Make-up can make you or break you, depending on your skill, which according to many, comes with practice. Secondly, I get this feeling that it'z gonna clog your pores and ruin your skin. I don't use make-up, but I'm still vain enough to cleanse, tone and moisturize once in a while k.

And I guess the greatest reason is that make-up sounds like the start of a phase that that is no longer simple and sincere... and it's part of a world that puts so much more emphasis on first impressions and appearances. I don't like that. I don't like to look one way, and actually be another. I can't keep up with appearances. I probably can hold a 15-minute presentation and actually look professional but I can't hide that somewhat kiddish bubbly-ness that will spoil my whole professional image right? I can't walk around in professional heels and trip, can I? (Yes, I tend to trip.) I can't look professional and be ignorant at the same time right? Something about donning a power suit and looking professional scares me. Something screams at me that it's not me at all.

But that's not completely true. I can grow up if I ditch my habitual looking-back, move forward, take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions, find courage to face the unknown and take the process of growing out in my stride. And when I'm close to that, I'll go join my friends at the make-up and contact lenses section.