I'm living from deadline to deadline. And effectively I feel dead. I don't look forward to anything, I look forward to getting over and done with things in order to jump into the next deadline. I feel dead. It's miserable. I need sleep. I want time. And I'd like to squeeze off morning PM for sleep. Sleep overrules having to spend time stressing over PM preparation and having to meet a bunch of people whom I don't want to lead. I want to distant myself from them and leave leave leave.

Father, I'm falling back into the vicious cycle again. Help me. I remember your Almighty character. You are a supernatural God who does miracles beyond imagination. Father, will you change my heart and great me strength that I might soar on wings like eagles. Let my heart not grow weary because You are my strength, my Rock and my Fortress.

What I want to do:
1) Learn to speak Malay. It is my national language. Nah, a lot of people say I look Malay, and I feel like tricking people into thinking I'm a Malay. Cheap thrill
2) Learn to speak hainanese. It's my dialect.
3) Learn to play the guitar (while I'm still at it)
4) Read the whole Bible.
5) Read the Chinese Bible.
6) Learn Flash.
7) Learn Windows movie maker.
8) Learn more photoshopping skills.
9) Learn kickboxing.
10) Cook. haha.

5 Minutes and still counting

Let's count this as day2. I'm still playing my Guitar. Learning three chords, still can't make a strum sound like a strum and wondering how long it'll take before my fingers will get used to pressing strings.

5minutes hot, 5minutes cold. A few years in the storeroom, my Guitar's 2 years old I fished out my guitar (not exactly mine... the family guitar) when my dad complained that he hasn't heard a single tune from us ever since he bought us the guitar. That's true. Coz none of us played it ever since the 5-minute hotness of wanting to play the guitar (plus plenty of guitar crash courses and other influences from peers) Actually, come to think of it, it has been two years since I last touched this guitar! (uhuh! explains why it's so completely alien to me!) So there, I started messing around with the guitar, making horrible noises and wishing that no one would rain rotten eggs or vulgarities on me. I can't strum properly and my blistered fingers can't even reach the basic C or make an Em sound decent. (That's how good I am. haha. If anyone is courageous to teach me, and I'm not too shy to show you how bad I am, I may just improve a teeny teeny bit bit.) Nevertheless, I wonder if this is going to be a 5minutes of passion thing, the way things happened with my piano lessons (I enjoyed playing the piano, but I got so freaked out by my piano teacher who scolded me on my first lesson! And of coz, I got scolded in subsequent lessons for being lazy and not practising. But, it's not exactly my fault! I have no piano! But I was too scaredy-cat to tell her. So there, in less than a few months, I quit grade one.) So there, I wonder how long my guitar fever will last this season. We'll see, we'll see...

My dog sprained his leg!!!!! How how how?? I don't suppose you can put ice to numb the pain, and I don't suppose I can spread deep heat or ointments all over his furry leg... how how how??? So poor thing... limping around on 3 paws... But, serves him right. Nobody ask him to act hero and jump down the flight of three steps together. Report Rendevousw Imagine this, in the wee hours of Wed morning, 2 girls brought 2 guys up from the guys dorm into the girls dorm at 1am... and the 2 guys only left at 6.30am. What do you think they were doing??? They were doing their lab report. I was with my lab partner and two other guys, rushing our lab report in the girl's dorm kitchen. For the first time in my life, I had to bunk over in school and work throughout the night. Actually, it's quite fun... to break rules and stayover in hostel hahaha... if it was only a slumber party. (wait, I find breaking rules fun? oh no.) Remb Guy from my prev lab episodes? and Guy 2? Yah, they were there too. All getting high from chocolates and coffee... seeing how distraught and messy each other can be at 2am... 3am... 4am... and they guys were constantly hoping that no other girls would pop up in the kitchen and scream at their presence. I was secretly hoping that no one would notice that I'm not one of those hostelites :X It'd be fun if it wasn't a rushing-report-like mad time. The kitchen smelt like laundry... While we're all whining and blaming Guy for assuring the TA that we'd submit quality work on time, Guy attempted to recruit us into one prestigious sounding CCA which can be equivalent to slacker's club. Sounds good you know. It's an international CCA with nothing to do but to sound prestigious. haha. Anyways, we finished most of the stuff at 6.30am. I fell asleep at 6.30 and heard Guy also fell alseep. so my funky partner and Guy2 were left to finish everything by 7am. When we're all done, we all dozed till all 4 of us were late for lecture. BUt we're DONE!!! It felt wierd not going home after a day of school. It's as if there's no end to a day at school. But the good thing is, you take 10min to get to school instead of 1 hour. And with pride, my funky lab partner went up to my pretty TA and said, "We've finally finished. Here's our report, with love." hahaha "Really ah, you two ah, and you two (referring to Guy 1 and 2) must have worked very hard throughout the night. You all seriously stayed over at each other's place ah?" Asked TA. "Yah, and we're all working together in the same kitchen... and were on the same bus this morning..." my funky lab partner replied. "Serious! You all made best friends after this lab already. Maybe we should have a party instead haha" TA was highly amused. So we told our tale of how we struggled throughout the night... and who slept first and who slept later (It was obvious, coz Guy2 and my funky partner slept outrightly during lab, and Guy1 and I were trying to work out the experiments. Half hour of sleep makes big difference man.) and how we finally came up with the report, with love. haha But, I hope this last minute thing will be the first and last of its kind man. No more No more. though I wouldn't mind slumber parties haha. (Good news! My TA is extending her stay with us!!! Yeay! my understand, pretty and wonderful TA! Guy thinks it's coz of his charm that she stayed. So thick-skinned. but... yeay yeay!)

Today, one of my guy friends popped by my house to look at some files and notes... and my sisters were looking all cheeky about it. Well, fine, granted that teenagers always think cheeky stuff... Then, I heard my dad asking my sister, "Who's that who's that? Who came over just now??" Then, there was some hush hush whisper. My mum looked too cool about it. Wonder if she is. haha. But I'm just so amused by their reactions. But relax... they're just my buddies/ proj mates/ lab mates/ jie meis. Chill.

JT's A Series of Fortunate Events Early in the morning, rushed out and had a fruitful meeting. (more or less) Rushed off for another small group meeting, which seems quite a hopeful homey and potential one. Rushed home in time to change and set off for my Feast. (I have so many tenses and grammar and spelling errors... pls pretend not to see them. I'm too tired to check and edit :X) The Great delightful feast! My family feast. I should show you photos of all the great food! Took plenty of photos. Try Golden Paris at Tampines Mall! The most delightful dishes which brightens up your eyes! Exquisite sushi, plenty (free-flow) of sashimi, fresh oysters, crabs, prawns, goose liver, Purple scallop, tempura, chawanmushi, dim sum, cheese cake, beautifully packaged koniyaku (sp? )jelly, fruit tea, fruits, ice-cream, tomyam soup, creamy corn soup, shark fin's soup, herbal soup, salmon pan fried, other sorts of fish etc etc (the above are what I ate. Wah, I actually ate so much? And those are just general categories. I haven't mentioned the variety of each kind of sashimi or prawns or scallops etc) It was absolutely delightful. Undescrible. 赞不绝口的程度有如赞不出口的境界。 Just in case my chinese sounds wierd, what I'm trying to say is that the 每道菜的色香味俱全， 而还好吃得非笔墨能形容。 Took a neoprint with my family... and though my dad was complaining how expensive it was, we all got so hyped up that my dad wanted to take another. (Mum said it's bcoz he just cut his hair and was feeling yandao. hahaha) And my dad was feeling funky and spontaneous enough for a late night show. (and midnight supper) Watched Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events. Super good show! Go watch it! Seriously! I'm so tempted to tell you more. And so I will. L.S.A.S.o.U.E. It starts of with some cute elfy shots, like the Jack-a-lope kind in the Incredibles. Then just when I was telling my mum that we might be in the wrong theatre, the narrator (aka Lemony Snickets) starts saying that the show we're watching will not be like this happy elf who's bouncing around singing songs. And he warns us to leave if we don't like dark tales. There you have it. And the show begins. It was all grey and dreary... so much blacks in the show. Brings out the mood of having the kids being orphaned... And when there's so much suspense, things will break off to leave you dangling.... and instead of the stunning attack of the snake on the kids, you see the narrator type type typing the story. Argh, cliffhanger. Then the story continues... and the author writes some happy ending story... and I started wondering if the movie's ending so quickly (Though the ending was quite a happy one. Don't we all wish for a happy ending?) Of course the show went on... there's much trials and tribulations... and the bouncing elf and the happy songs the elf were singing would be played in perilous scenes in all irony...and then... when the mood lightens, the kids are no longer wearing all black! Colours appear! They change their clothes to a slightly brighter shade.... And when the mystery was solved, you see why everything was dark in the first place. The key to the mystery behind all the adventure was the sun and the light... A dark, witty and extremely entertaining movie! 5 stars! Keeps you guessing and on your feet, raises your expectations and slams you back, keeps you hanging on the edge of your seat! Be amused by all the clever tricks and humour! Go watch it! (Do I get advertising fees? haha) Grandma's hainanese saying of the day: 盲人挑刺， 光人晓。 or 盲人挑刺，光人帮手 Forget which one. But she was saying that when people who are blinded by themselves (aka overly self-centred) try to pick on a righteous person, those who are outside the picture (and are therefore able to see the situation clearly) will step forward and stand up for those who are being unjustly treated.

Weekly dose of entertainment

As I mentioned, my lab days, though long and dreary, are my source of weekly entertainment. So, today, being the last day we'll be seeing my darling pretty lab Teaching Assistant (TA), my whole group took photos! (Ah, much to the delight of the guys I suppose :p) So, there we were, posing with pippettes and white boards filled with wonderful equations, immaculately ( well, I mean messily) dressed in our pristine white lab coats (stained with inorganic purple, black and yellow spots from previous practicals), smiling at the camera with our Dear Prof with us...

Some interesting amusement for the day:

" I want to marry Dr Lxxxxxx. Look at the way he smiles in the photo! Puts butterflies in my stomach..." -- Funky lab partner.

" Hi, my name is R.F.Y. You can call me R.C.A. too. " -- Guy, thinking about his last chance to introduce himself to the TA in proper. (Remember Guy from the previous entry whose mail got bounced? Oh, and R.F.Y. = Right for you. R.C.A = Right, compatible and available) It was Guy's last chance to impress the TA but he forgot to bring his lab coat and had to wear a kimono-like, disposable lab coat that made him look like a dishwashing auntie. And to think he wore it the wrong way round the first time. haha. Well, okie lah, give him some credit, he's a cool guy who dares to laugh at himself. So, today, he called himself (much to the TA and our amusement) the coffeeshop auntie.

"Age doesn't matter..." -- Another guy behind me to another TA (my pretty TA's friend).

More of Guy's antics: All of us have to soap our hands and rinse well before leaving our lab... so on the last day...

JT was washing her hands with the pink antiseptic soap.

"Hey JT JT.... " (Guy came over... and ... )

- Guy SNEEEEEEZED - (and tried to cover his mouth)

Then he showed me his hand. It was full of...

thick, gooey....

pink....

antiseptic soap.

Lame Lame Lame.

Hahahhaha

Sigh. But I'm so going to miss my pretty TA. These are her parting words, "You all must be good ah, don't bully your new TA." Well, I hope so (hehe)

The greatest obstacle is Me.

Split-personality: A conversation between the rational Myself and the emotional I.

Here I go again. It's a vicious cycle.

I ask Myself, "What does it mean if I don't feel like meeting up and giving attention?"

Myself answers, " You don't have the heart for them anymore. And there's no joy in it. You're probably self-centred and unfeeling coz you don't see them as persons, you see them as a stereotyped image with a prescribed formula to know them."

I thought, " I guess so. I need to get rid of the stereotypes and learn how to make friends again."

Myself added, " Everybody's not the same. You're not gonna get the same kinda response from everyone."

I agree, saying, " Yah, I guess so. Sometimes, I get so muddled up by what I think, I lose track of reality. And usually, things are not as bad as I think. And sometimes, I force my disillusionment on reality... and get disappointed too fast."

Myself adviced, " Yah, that's right, don't live in a world masked and contorted by your disillusions. Pray for discernment and see reality as it is. Respond to reality, not your imagined reality."

Remember to flush the toilet when you're done

One of the tricks my dog can do... which is quite unique to my dog...
My Fluffy is newspaper-trained. And once he's done with his pee or poo on the papers, he'll perform his stunt. First, he'll wipe his feet on the door mat, then he'll run to you, wherever you are and starting barking at you. He'll look at you, bark, look at the newspapers, bark, look at you again... until you clear his mess and change a fresh set of newspapers. With a happy wag of the tail, he'll then settle back into his little corner at the bottom of the stairs. Never realised hygiene was so important to him. He remembers the importance of flushing the toilet every single time.

Funny of the day

JT: Heyz, are you gonna have anything special for your 21st birthday party? How about fireworks display? hahaha

Guy: Why not?

JT: Huh, sure not... from where?

Guy: If and when any of the guys at my party see potential in one of the girls loh. Chemistry...

Weekly dose of lab entertainment

My pretty lab TA told us that we can return to our seats and continue our work. So we did. I mean, the girls did. The remaining... 1..2... 3... erm, 5 guys still crowded around our TA. haha, apparently, one of the guys already got her MSN.... but hasn't added her yet. In his own words, " I need to add the catalyst first..." (hahaha)

The following is an re-enactment of a scene that made me fall off the lab chair laughing.
(Disclaimer: it's according to my impression. Quotes are not exact.)

"I received your emails about extension", said pretty TA.
" I sent you an email eh, but it got bounced," Guy said.
" Is it? But I received all other mails, including JT's mail... how can that be?" TA replied.

" What's your topic of the mail?" JT asked quietly.
" Lunch tomorrow..." Guy whispered cheekily.

-JT bursts into laughing fits.-

"Too bad, I didn't receive any mail." (TA)
" I sent so many, kept bouncing back to me." (Guy)
" Cannot be, how is that possible?" (TA)
" You purposely block my email address right..." (Guy)
" Yah right... if you had questions to ask, you could have looked for me like the other 2 girls."(TA)
" But I don't know where you live!" (Guy)

-TA didn't hear (or pretends not to hear?)-

" Eh, so you have her MSN?" Guy 2 asked Guy.
" Yah, but haven't add yet... and I need catalyst lah," Guy replied.
" If you want to add, you better add lah! So slow!" adviced Guy 2.
" Cannot lah, I scared I move too fast, people jealous..." points to Guy3 standing beside him.

(Guy 3 looks shocked for a moment...and smiles)

-JT was bowling over with cramping abs from laughing too much-

" TA, so how's our mini project going to be like?" Guy asked.
" Oh, I won't be taking you all anymore. The next TA will come... so too bad." TA replied
" Oh, why don't you extend? I'll help you ask Prof Xxx... where is he... " looks around...

-JT was cramping from laughter-

cmi. cmi. Lab is my weekly dose of entertainment. It'd be so fun if our Bench can invade the labs do undergrad research together...

I don't know why people talk to me. I mean, it's a good thing that people share their lives with me. And I'd feel for them and feel helpless with them... and I get the sort of emotional turbulance that I would I were them... but as I realise how emotional I can get, I realise that I don't really have emotional stamina. Through the years, when my emotions are stirred, I get distracted and start feeling tired...and mundane things like studies don't seem important and I cannot quite cope with emotional distractions and schoolwork at the same time. I really wonder how some people can seem to compartmentalize these 2, and work as if nothing has happened, come rain, sun, hurricane... whatever. I need to learn. I need to pray. Next semester, I'm thinking of doing 2 semesters worth of research. That'll tell me whether I'm gonna continue sitting in the lab, or head towards SDU and be a happy match-maker. Let's see :p

Sad thought of the day It is true that the older you get, friendships drift away. Life changes... and things are never the same. Can it be the same?

Triple Combo Photocopy Shop Trauma I was busily photocopy and printing stuff in school, sticking my head and glueing my eyes to two places at one time to ensure that nobody steals away with my notes (again) from the school printer...when this guy approached me. You wish he were cute and yandao. He is not cute, not yandao, and messy and is in great need of menthol or clorets or mentos or glycerin (you name it). Looks like he just got out from bed in hostel. Shall not mention further details to protect his identity. Anyway, he apparently desperately needed to photocopy some stuff from his textbook-- a borrowed textbook. Here comes the situation. I was trying to keep track of my notes in the printing and this guy was telling me about how he had no money with him, had no cashcard and needed to print stuff and didn't know how to use the photocopy machine and very much wanted double-sided printing. We had some communication problem man. It took me quite a long while to figure out he probably wants to borrow my cashcard and needs me to teach him how to use the machine. Fine, so I tried to explain... and he seemed not to understand much. And amidst shuttling between the school computer printers and the photocopying which was churning out spoilt copies of notes... I knew I had better do the printing for him. But no, he refused... politely lah. Okie... so I wanted. He wanted to photocopy about 30 pages worth of notes... and after about an hour, he gave up and settled for his 10 pages of notes. With much thanks and embarrassment and payment bla bla... he rushed off for class. I probably would never remember how he looks like but I concluded the school should offer cash cards for emergency loans or some service like that. And, guys, please do brush your teeth no matter what. Duh Joke of the day I attend one lecture with one of my guy buddies (coz my 2 other friends always pontang) and as usual, I'd go to ze ladies after lecture and he would wait for me outside the toilet. When I was finally done, along came his funky friend with loud cheery greetings. I don't remember what he said... but as an extra, I just fiddled around with my handphone while waiting for the normal hi-bye conversation to end. But it was no normal conversation. I didn't know whether to laugh my head off or or start getting angry or get embarrassed or cry. Anyway, I chose to suppress my laughter and burst out laughing the moment my buddy's friend turned around. Doesn't matter that he knows I'm laughing. It's the joke of the day. Suddenly, I feel evil and decide not to give u all the full details. hahaha Anyway, he pulled my guy buddy nearer, and tried to whisper way loud enough for me to hear. In response, I lifted my eyes from my handphone, gave him a frown and a puzzled downturn mouth and half-rolled my eyes at him. Quite rude eh, but too bad, I figure that will give him some idea. But no, he continued adding on to the joke of the day (according to my guy friend). Let me think why I'm so amused. Oh yeah, coz I have never seen for myself how guys can so openly encourage and egg each other on in certain things in life. It's as if that guy was cheering my friend on in running a race that he wasn't even running. That is just so amusing. I have never seen this happen amongst girls. hahahhaa. Have any hint of what I'm talking about? hahahaha Domestic Operation Imagine this: Dad with wide open mouth, hand holding a spoon positioned strategically against his tongue. Daughter no.1 positions the torch to illuminate a teeny white spot on the gum while Daughter no.2 carefully manipulates a pair of tweezers. What's going on? Scroll down... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dad has a fish bone stuck in the gum and daughters no. 1 and 2 are helping to extricate it.

I read in Reader's Digest that writing helps people cope with stressful/painful situations better than those who don't. I realise Reader's Digest is quite fun to read, which shows I haven't been reading much. Seriously, I should set aside time to read. Easier said than done, I don't even set aside time for homework? hahaha.

My original intention is to blog about how I dread starting my analysis for my interview. There I go. I feel the sense of dread welling up inside me. So pyschological. haha. Relax Relax. It's an easy job. Take it easy, go ahead and enjoy. That's right man. Go ahead!

I'm talking to myself -gasp-

Never mind.

Thought of the day:
Am I turning into a Sunday Christian? NOooooo I don't want that!!! God, discipline me to set aside time for your Word!

Thought of the day no.2:
I'm blogging to relief stress, not writing. No wonder my handwriting is going down the drain.

I'm drowning in work and birthday parties. Help.

I'm so frustrated again. Endless streams of assignments and tests. First there was philo essay, then there was my test which I failed to the core. And my interview assignment which has suffered premature death coz of a non-substantial interview resulted in empty analysis. Of course, at this point of time, I haven't managed to squeeze out a single fibre for my analysis. Blank. Tired and frustrated. Did I mention that I'm handing up that assignment 3 days late? Of course, my lecturer was heartless enough to ignore my email pleas for mercy and put up an announcement to reaffirm all students that penalties will be mete out for late work. If that's not enough, I'm running a marathon with another lab report due on the coming wed and another test on Friday. Let's not forget the weekly duties and the early Thurs mornings and later afternoons as well as additional stuff XXX. I'm on the verge of sinking my teeth somewhere. I hope I haven't gone beyond the help of chocolate therapy. No time for retail therapy.

Events of the day Failed my test. :'( Cut my hair. Went for friend's bday party at Acid bar. Played zhong ji mi ma (综集密码) and some wag-your-finger-on-your-left-and-right game. Drank peach cooler which is a pretty fizzy pink drink with a cherry inside. My friend describes it as Hooch without the alcohol. Of course, there's the cake, good food and a happy bday girl. Was quite fun Caught the last train home. Bathed and hair was full of smoke smell. ARGH. The reason why I don't like hanging at such night spots. Will there ever be cigarette-free, non-smoking places?. Quote of the day: Cute guys have x-factor, are helpful, are not fidgety and are humourous.