Clad in a loud, yellow, oversized tee-shirt and cheapo flip-flop slippers, I was wearing the all-blurry-eyed-half-dazed-after-chalet look as I made my way amongst those shelves and hangers of T-shirts in the guys section. It felt wierd to be a female shopper-loner amongst the groups of guys who were also looking at the same shelves with the same hangerfuls of clothes at the same section. Actually, we were looking and browsing and aiming at the same shirt.
Now, I don't know why but that felt really wierd. Intimidated? I don't know. Dazed and blur? Definitely. So, I tried to excuse myself by straying off to the girl's section and started looking at the jackets and tops with disinterest oozing out of my lousy pretense.
Once the guys were finally done with their purchase, I went back to the shirt which I was aiming at and started calling my sis to ask for opinions. Dazed, I was. And I barely noticed the shop assistant who was hovering near me, looking all ready to clamp down on my interest and get the deal done. Well, after much deliberation and hestation, I fingered a polo-tee that looked mature enough for my dad and the shop assistant immediately offered her services. Her pressurizing presence was a major I'll-buy-and-get-out-of-here-factor. So, I asked for a size, paid and left the shop in a jiffy. Despite all that, I remembered to rip off the price tag. See, even the little details have been taken care off.
When Mum got home, she came knocking on my door and dug out the polo tee that my sisters and I shared for Dad's bday... and made Dad wear it...
Wow! Shirt too BIG!
WHOa! Price tag torn off! Therefore not exchangeable!! -shakes head-
okie, but mum and dad were really comforting and encouraging. Dad said he'll work out and bulk up while mum offered to do some altering and said something about fashion trends and loose-fitting tops nowadays. haahha.
ah well. Silly silly. So much for my first experience at buying stuff in the guy's department.
Here's five cents worth of simple plainwords. The little things that didnt make it to speech, the little fleeting moments of sensitiveness to my subconscious self, the little struggles in between the lines and all the bits and pieces I want to remember.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Boyfriend?
Mum: Eh, I dreamt that you were getting married leh. But you were marrying into those traditional ancestral worship kind of family, not Christian one.
Me: Aiyo, you think too far la.
Dad: Where got far? Ten years from now you'll be having your own family.
Mum: Ya, and you all better learn to be independent, or else you'll be panicking when you get your first kid. Eh, are you baptised? Better not get baptised in case you change your mind.
Me: Nope, I'm not. But I'm thinking about it. Actually it makes no difference whether I'm baptised or not. I'm very sure that some things will not change. There's no turning back for some decisions.
Mum: What if you boyfriend is not Christian? Unless you go and convert him.
Me: haha. I have my priorities and my boyfriend must know (and I should add agree on) 3 importants things-- where we come from, like where man came from, where we are headed to in the end and what's our mission in life.
Mum: So cheem one ah.
Me: Yah. If the guys dunno then too bad. (looks nonchalant)
Dad: You'll never know la. Everything thing is changing now, the values are changing.
Me: But 1 +1 = 2. It's the truth. It doesn't change wat.
Dad: For all you know 1 +1 = 3 next time? You take two cups of water, pour it into many glasses. One cup plus one cup equals to many cups what.
Me: Some things like gravity will always be there, even though we can choose not to believe that it exists next time.
Mum: Aiya, but do you have boyfriend or not ah?
Me: You say leh? I'm always running around and still can bake cookies at home.
Dad: (Looks at mum) Good question. I seriously don't know.
The little things that I didn't blog about till now:
Chicken mayo= shredded chicken, mayo, thinly sliced and cut onions, condensed milk.
Some of the pots and pans in my house are as old as me, if not older. And one set of those cost an auspicious $888. I never knew pots and pans are worth so much. Seriously.
Me: Aiyo, you think too far la.
Dad: Where got far? Ten years from now you'll be having your own family.
Mum: Ya, and you all better learn to be independent, or else you'll be panicking when you get your first kid. Eh, are you baptised? Better not get baptised in case you change your mind.
Me: Nope, I'm not. But I'm thinking about it. Actually it makes no difference whether I'm baptised or not. I'm very sure that some things will not change. There's no turning back for some decisions.
Mum: What if you boyfriend is not Christian? Unless you go and convert him.
Me: haha. I have my priorities and my boyfriend must know (and I should add agree on) 3 importants things-- where we come from, like where man came from, where we are headed to in the end and what's our mission in life.
Mum: So cheem one ah.
Me: Yah. If the guys dunno then too bad. (looks nonchalant)
Dad: You'll never know la. Everything thing is changing now, the values are changing.
Me: But 1 +1 = 2. It's the truth. It doesn't change wat.
Dad: For all you know 1 +1 = 3 next time? You take two cups of water, pour it into many glasses. One cup plus one cup equals to many cups what.
Me: Some things like gravity will always be there, even though we can choose not to believe that it exists next time.
Mum: Aiya, but do you have boyfriend or not ah?
Me: You say leh? I'm always running around and still can bake cookies at home.
Dad: (Looks at mum) Good question. I seriously don't know.
The little things that I didn't blog about till now:
Chicken mayo= shredded chicken, mayo, thinly sliced and cut onions, condensed milk.
Some of the pots and pans in my house are as old as me, if not older. And one set of those cost an auspicious $888. I never knew pots and pans are worth so much. Seriously.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Cookies
I have a craving for peanut butter cookies.
Peanut butter cookie recipes:
3-ingredients peanut butter cookie
This one looks so easy, it's unbelievable. (Note: But it doesn't mean that I can get it done.) I can't believe that a cookie will appear just by following it's instructions. Flourless and baking powderless cookie. Can u imagine? Just sugar, peanut butter and egg? Sure or not. *imagines eating super sweet and peanut buttery cookie* Then again, you'll never know till you try...
Still, I'm sticking with the more traditional-looking recipe.
And here's a good site for doing cooking conversion from cups to millilitres and grams and from °F to °C etc etc.
If I had plenty of time, I'd like to read, bake and interact with my 3B pencil and sketch pad. But let's face it, holidays are melting into Monday. And Monday marks the beginning of the long stretch of pre-lecture and lecture days... and I need to pack up and start studying.
Pre-school blues are back. No no no. Shoo.
Peanut butter cookie recipes:
3-ingredients peanut butter cookie
This one looks so easy, it's unbelievable. (Note: But it doesn't mean that I can get it done.) I can't believe that a cookie will appear just by following it's instructions. Flourless and baking powderless cookie. Can u imagine? Just sugar, peanut butter and egg? Sure or not. *imagines eating super sweet and peanut buttery cookie* Then again, you'll never know till you try...
Still, I'm sticking with the more traditional-looking recipe.
And here's a good site for doing cooking conversion from cups to millilitres and grams and from °F to °C etc etc.
If I had plenty of time, I'd like to read, bake and interact with my 3B pencil and sketch pad. But let's face it, holidays are melting into Monday. And Monday marks the beginning of the long stretch of pre-lecture and lecture days... and I need to pack up and start studying.
Pre-school blues are back. No no no. Shoo.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Lettuce babies!
My lettuce babies are growing!!! Back to my lab stories again. haha. Bear with all the technicalities. Last week was a horribly hectic and mind-blowing and action-demanding week with all the preparation for the ubin event. As I struggled along with all my responsibilities, I was really thankful that my lettuce seeds didn't germinate, which gave me one week off from the lab to feed ubin mozzis.
Now that I'm back, I see that my other batch of cut cotyledons are growing!!! They're sprouting new, green plants! (Shoot regeneration) YeaHHHH! My transformation (with bacteria) is successful up to this stage it seems!!! muahahaha. Well, of course, fungus tried to ruin some of my plants... and some of my plants looked roasted-charcoal black coz it's been there for too long bla bla... but still... my lettuce babies are growing!!! They're growing!!! The satisfaction of being a researcher! Woohoo!!!
The fact that my plants are growing put my supervisor in a fairly good mood. And of coz, that'll improve my mood. And the simple fact that I'm seeing life in school, that is, I see people, students for that matter (no doubt mostly freshies) makes me happier. To top that up, my friend who's working on the tomato project was working with me today! Ladida. Seeing people makes me happy. I just can't bear sitting alone in a cold room with all plants and four walls, and walk around not seeing people.
Talking about people, I saw this lady in the lab whom I'd say is the embodiment of style. She looks like a post-grad student... and she's cool. The way she walks and nods and smiles...it's so full of stylish charisma. There's this x-factor and this air about her that makes her stand out from all the other people I meet along the lab corridor. I think I'd look like a silly smiley-clumsy-poker-clown beside her. But that's alright. That's my style. Blur bat silly smiley clusmy poker clown. Quite a mouthful eh? Say that again: Blur bat silly smiley clumsy poker clown.
And now I've to decide again: BMS or MCB. Sheesh. If I'm not going to do research, I'd do BMS. If I'm doing research, I'd want to work with plants and go the MCB way. BMS or MCB? Pray along with me for wisdom k :)
Now that I'm back, I see that my other batch of cut cotyledons are growing!!! They're sprouting new, green plants! (Shoot regeneration) YeaHHHH! My transformation (with bacteria) is successful up to this stage it seems!!! muahahaha. Well, of course, fungus tried to ruin some of my plants... and some of my plants looked roasted-charcoal black coz it's been there for too long bla bla... but still... my lettuce babies are growing!!! They're growing!!! The satisfaction of being a researcher! Woohoo!!!
The fact that my plants are growing put my supervisor in a fairly good mood. And of coz, that'll improve my mood. And the simple fact that I'm seeing life in school, that is, I see people, students for that matter (no doubt mostly freshies) makes me happier. To top that up, my friend who's working on the tomato project was working with me today! Ladida. Seeing people makes me happy. I just can't bear sitting alone in a cold room with all plants and four walls, and walk around not seeing people.
Talking about people, I saw this lady in the lab whom I'd say is the embodiment of style. She looks like a post-grad student... and she's cool. The way she walks and nods and smiles...it's so full of stylish charisma. There's this x-factor and this air about her that makes her stand out from all the other people I meet along the lab corridor. I think I'd look like a silly smiley-clumsy-poker-clown beside her. But that's alright. That's my style. Blur bat silly smiley clusmy poker clown. Quite a mouthful eh? Say that again: Blur bat silly smiley clumsy poker clown.
And now I've to decide again: BMS or MCB. Sheesh. If I'm not going to do research, I'd do BMS. If I'm doing research, I'd want to work with plants and go the MCB way. BMS or MCB? Pray along with me for wisdom k :)
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Washing Musing
Quote of the day:
While washing and scrubbing away, I thought to myself,
"The more stubborn of the two wins, it's either the stains or me."
While washing and scrubbing away, I thought to myself,
"The more stubborn of the two wins, it's either the stains or me."
Monday, July 18, 2005
Mutterings of being Semi-housewivish
First, the recipes in case I forget.
Going bean sprouty:
1)Chop the garlic.
2)Fry the garlic till fragrant.
3)Add in the bean sprouts (30 cents worth of bean sprouts should do.)
4)Add in salt water to taste. (No soy sauce. It'll get burnt.)
5)Stir fry till bean sprouts look a bit soft.
6)Serve.
Working with veges:
1) Wash and cut the Kai lan into small pieces. (Had to ask which vege in the fridge was Kai lan. So embarrassing.)
2) Chop garlic.
3) Cut the meat (against the 'grain') into bite sizes. Season with sugar, soy sauce and corn flour.
4) Fry the garlic till golden brownie/ fragrant.
5) Add in the meat and stir fry till almost cooked.
6) Add in the vege and put on the lid of the frying pan. Leave to cook for 2 to 3 min.
7) Stir fry a bit. Add water if it's too dry.
8) Serve!
Finally, mutterings of being semi-housewivish:
I'd cut my hair short if I were a housewife. Too warm and too messy to have long hair.
Now I also understand why some housewives have the auntie-look. There's so much to do, and things will get messy anyway, so there's no point in dressing up or going out. And whoever invented the washing machine is a wonderful person.
Going bean sprouty:
1)Chop the garlic.
2)Fry the garlic till fragrant.
3)Add in the bean sprouts (30 cents worth of bean sprouts should do.)
4)Add in salt water to taste. (No soy sauce. It'll get burnt.)
5)Stir fry till bean sprouts look a bit soft.
6)Serve.
Working with veges:
1) Wash and cut the Kai lan into small pieces. (Had to ask which vege in the fridge was Kai lan. So embarrassing.)
2) Chop garlic.
3) Cut the meat (against the 'grain') into bite sizes. Season with sugar, soy sauce and corn flour.
4) Fry the garlic till golden brownie/ fragrant.
5) Add in the meat and stir fry till almost cooked.
6) Add in the vege and put on the lid of the frying pan. Leave to cook for 2 to 3 min.
7) Stir fry a bit. Add water if it's too dry.
8) Serve!
Finally, mutterings of being semi-housewivish:
I'd cut my hair short if I were a housewife. Too warm and too messy to have long hair.
Now I also understand why some housewives have the auntie-look. There's so much to do, and things will get messy anyway, so there's no point in dressing up or going out. And whoever invented the washing machine is a wonderful person.
The pain only girls know
Guys can skip to the next post when it's out.
Comparable to migraine, there's this pain that only girls know.
It comes and it goes, regular and moody.
With any slight shift, there you have it:
The tightness, the pain, the dizziness, the nausea and the cold.
Shift again, and find a comfortable position.
Rest and it goes off.
And then, you heave a sigh of relief...
and you've moved again
and it's back.
It's horrible.
You yawn, you move.
You try to hug you stomach, you move.
Cramps. Arghh.
I exercise not to lose weight, I exercise to stay cramp-free.
Comparable to migraine, there's this pain that only girls know.
It comes and it goes, regular and moody.
With any slight shift, there you have it:
The tightness, the pain, the dizziness, the nausea and the cold.
Shift again, and find a comfortable position.
Rest and it goes off.
And then, you heave a sigh of relief...
and you've moved again
and it's back.
It's horrible.
You yawn, you move.
You try to hug you stomach, you move.
Cramps. Arghh.
I exercise not to lose weight, I exercise to stay cramp-free.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Seductive Sedation
I have so much to blog about but so many things happened that I didn’t have time to blog and everything ended up in migraine yesterday. Therefore, I have come up with this fancy title, just to talk about this miracle migraine drug. It is by some brand name called Suniton and it consisted of 2 drugs: the all-famous paracetamol found in all panadols, as well as orphenadrine citrate. I figured Orphenadrine citrate is probably the one that made me all drowsy and relaxed.
So, as I once mentioned, I was hanging out a lot at Ubin coz I was preparing for an event. Just as I was pretty much enjoying myself, the usual stars and blind spots hit me. The half-hour painless window came… and the pain throbbed its way to the right side of my head. Then, the all-wonderful first aider realised this and whipped out his personal first aid kit with Suniton migraine pills! That I never tried but I’m a little too dazed to think about downing pills that are unfamiliar. So, I popped one pill while the first aider encouragingly attempted to make me drink mineral-salts enhanced water.
Eh First Aider T, I give u a big pat on the pack for being such a nice first aider who attempted to cheer me up with your little hands-free-bicycle-stunts and humourous jokes. Sorry I was in such a throbbing daze that I didn’t respond. But you’re the nicest first aider I’ve met. And thanks for the care and the medicine!
After downing the pill, the usual migraine stuff happened… the throbbing, and the emptying of my churning-acid stomach contents in messy squat toilets… and many concerned friends came by to ask me what wrong… (Someone even asked me if I’m anorexic and that’s why I’m throwing up hahahaha) Anyway, the pill helped and the pain was slightly more bearable. 2 hours after downing the pill, I felt so heavily sedated that I couldn’t open my eyes or stand up. I simply (erm, how should I put it…) slumped and sank into the coffee shop table and chair… and I drifted in and out of sleep… The drug works!!! Little little pain!!! I think several people came to check on me… thanks… and the rest of the day went by in a daze. But big thanks to my supervisor who took care of me and sent me all the way to my doorstep! Thanks… really appreciate it!
Just wished I could be there to see the last part of the program. But anyway, here’s my concluding statement:
Drug of the day:
Suniton migraine pills (paracetamol 450mg, orphenadrine citrate 35mg)
Ps: This drug is really wonderful for migraine... and I'm really tempted to just pop one pill everytime I have migraine. But, the more you take it, the higher the dosage you may need to put off the throbbing of future migraines. Sigh. Better go easy on all drugs.
So, as I once mentioned, I was hanging out a lot at Ubin coz I was preparing for an event. Just as I was pretty much enjoying myself, the usual stars and blind spots hit me. The half-hour painless window came… and the pain throbbed its way to the right side of my head. Then, the all-wonderful first aider realised this and whipped out his personal first aid kit with Suniton migraine pills! That I never tried but I’m a little too dazed to think about downing pills that are unfamiliar. So, I popped one pill while the first aider encouragingly attempted to make me drink mineral-salts enhanced water.
Eh First Aider T, I give u a big pat on the pack for being such a nice first aider who attempted to cheer me up with your little hands-free-bicycle-stunts and humourous jokes. Sorry I was in such a throbbing daze that I didn’t respond. But you’re the nicest first aider I’ve met. And thanks for the care and the medicine!
After downing the pill, the usual migraine stuff happened… the throbbing, and the emptying of my churning-acid stomach contents in messy squat toilets… and many concerned friends came by to ask me what wrong… (Someone even asked me if I’m anorexic and that’s why I’m throwing up hahahaha) Anyway, the pill helped and the pain was slightly more bearable. 2 hours after downing the pill, I felt so heavily sedated that I couldn’t open my eyes or stand up. I simply (erm, how should I put it…) slumped and sank into the coffee shop table and chair… and I drifted in and out of sleep… The drug works!!! Little little pain!!! I think several people came to check on me… thanks… and the rest of the day went by in a daze. But big thanks to my supervisor who took care of me and sent me all the way to my doorstep! Thanks… really appreciate it!
Just wished I could be there to see the last part of the program. But anyway, here’s my concluding statement:
Drug of the day:
Suniton migraine pills (paracetamol 450mg, orphenadrine citrate 35mg)
Ps: This drug is really wonderful for migraine... and I'm really tempted to just pop one pill everytime I have migraine. But, the more you take it, the higher the dosage you may need to put off the throbbing of future migraines. Sigh. Better go easy on all drugs.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Housewife-ish
I did the laundry and am thankful for washing machines.
Put the clothes out, took it back in twice coz it started raining.
Washed the balcony, swept and mopped the whole house... and realised that the good thing about small houses is that it takes less effort to clean.
Fed my dog.
Cooked my own lunch. Diced onions and garlics and made a horrible omelette. Tasteless. Should have up-ed the fire and dumped in more soy sauce.
Did the dishes and washed the kitchen.
Received a phone call. No lab tomorrow. Thank God!
Had a great time praising God with songs and my guitar.
Made egg roll and pasta for three. Dinner. Couldn't find tomatoes and cucumber.
Learnt that it's highly dangerous to be messing with oil near an open fire.
Ate a lot of pasta for dinner. Overestimated portions. But it wasn't too bad.
Sisters were all nice and encouraging about dinner. Maybe I'll cook again. haha.
My dog is the number one fan of my cooking.
Next time, watch the fire. De-chill the eggs, buy more ingredients and let things cook a little longer.
Maybe I'll try cooking some fish soup noodle thingie next time
I like hanging out in the kitchen and cooking with no one to disturb me. hahaha
Put the clothes out, took it back in twice coz it started raining.
Washed the balcony, swept and mopped the whole house... and realised that the good thing about small houses is that it takes less effort to clean.
Fed my dog.
Cooked my own lunch. Diced onions and garlics and made a horrible omelette. Tasteless. Should have up-ed the fire and dumped in more soy sauce.
Did the dishes and washed the kitchen.
Received a phone call. No lab tomorrow. Thank God!
Had a great time praising God with songs and my guitar.
Made egg roll and pasta for three. Dinner. Couldn't find tomatoes and cucumber.
Learnt that it's highly dangerous to be messing with oil near an open fire.
Ate a lot of pasta for dinner. Overestimated portions. But it wasn't too bad.
Sisters were all nice and encouraging about dinner. Maybe I'll cook again. haha.
My dog is the number one fan of my cooking.
Next time, watch the fire. De-chill the eggs, buy more ingredients and let things cook a little longer.
Maybe I'll try cooking some fish soup noodle thingie next time
I like hanging out in the kitchen and cooking with no one to disturb me. hahaha
Bite sizes. Updates. Recipe.
Simple updates. For those who don't get to see me
Have been to Ubin so many times (ok, 3 times. going again). I'm considering calling it my second home. And I'm getting a small kick out of cycling (despite many bruises and a really bumpy ride). If you're going to ubin, ask me ask me! oh yah, and I'll remind you to bring insect repellent, mosquito coils, baygone, and some other stuff to pluck rambutans/ seek durians. If you wanna buy rambutans, get them from the auntie nearest the jetty. The rambutans there are really big, red and juicy. Much nicer then the self-plucked ones. Although... it's more fun to pluck them yourselves. haha. Do bargain a little, we got 3 bunches for $7 and saved $2. Well, and the boat uncles are quite fierce. They're insistent and persistent and serious about charging a two-year old boy who clings onto his dad for the boat ride. I'm helping to run an event at ubin, in case you're wondering why I'm feeding the mozzis there. haha.
Other than that, I'd be learning how to wash, cook and mop up these few days. If you dare to eat what I cook, you can let me know and you can pop over for lunch. But, please help me wash up hahaha. (I reserve the right to be selective about my guests. BLeaH)
Recipe of the day: Mummy's Fried noodles for 5.
Have been to Ubin so many times (ok, 3 times. going again). I'm considering calling it my second home. And I'm getting a small kick out of cycling (despite many bruises and a really bumpy ride). If you're going to ubin, ask me ask me! oh yah, and I'll remind you to bring insect repellent, mosquito coils, baygone, and some other stuff to pluck rambutans/ seek durians. If you wanna buy rambutans, get them from the auntie nearest the jetty. The rambutans there are really big, red and juicy. Much nicer then the self-plucked ones. Although... it's more fun to pluck them yourselves. haha. Do bargain a little, we got 3 bunches for $7 and saved $2. Well, and the boat uncles are quite fierce. They're insistent and persistent and serious about charging a two-year old boy who clings onto his dad for the boat ride. I'm helping to run an event at ubin, in case you're wondering why I'm feeding the mozzis there. haha.
Other than that, I'd be learning how to wash, cook and mop up these few days. If you dare to eat what I cook, you can let me know and you can pop over for lunch. But, please help me wash up hahaha. (I reserve the right to be selective about my guests. BLeaH)
Recipe of the day: Mummy's Fried noodles for 5.
- Par- boil noodles. 70% cooked will do.
- Douse noodles with cold water when done.
- Heat up oil and dumb onions and garlic into pan. Fry till fragrant/ a little brown.
- Dump in the meat and fry till almost cooked.
- Add in the carrots and fry a little.
- Scatter the cut veges/ bean sprouts over the meat.
- Dump the noodles on top of the veges.
- Pour in seasonings ( 1/2 cube chicken stock, 2 tsp light soy sauce, 1tsp sugar, 1 bowl water)
- Put on the lid.
- When all the water's sorta dried up, stir/ fry a bit and serve! :D
Cooking tomato-base pasta for dinner tmr. Have 2 guinea-pig-food-tasters already. hahahaha. What should I cook for lunch tmr...
Read of the day: Chronicles of Narnia -- The Silver Chair.
Inspired to pick up The Last Battle, The Screwtape letters and Mere Christianity.
C.S. Lewis. *salutes*
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Psalm 37
I was drowning under a smatter of responsibilities and I'm amazed that I managed. And I managed because I acknowledged God.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Iin all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
-- Proverbs 3:5-7
I found God so near, so real, and so ready to be leaned upon. And though I stumble, He didn't let me fall. When they're away, and there's not many for me to run to, I woke up, and saw that I had forgotten. Now I run to God.
Thank you Father, for the overwhelming encouragement that day. What little I give can become fruitfully-a-lot in Your Hands.
The read that touched my heart:
Psalm 37
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Iin all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
-- Proverbs 3:5-7
I found God so near, so real, and so ready to be leaned upon. And though I stumble, He didn't let me fall. When they're away, and there's not many for me to run to, I woke up, and saw that I had forgotten. Now I run to God.
Thank you Father, for the overwhelming encouragement that day. What little I give can become fruitfully-a-lot in Your Hands.
The read that touched my heart:
Psalm 37
Saturday, July 02, 2005
A little Prayer.
I miss praying. It's so easy to ignore God and stubbornly do things my own way at my own time. Been there, done that, crashed, felt hollowed out, empty, frustrated and bleak. God's always there, and it's so easy to turn around and start praying and communicating and talking to God but I just stubbornly chose to run the wrong way just to have a piece of my own world where I can have things at my own time. How silly I am to think that I can get myself whatever that makes me happy. The little thing that I do for myself to please myself is just a fleeting moment of transcient distraction that seems very much like joy and delight. But it's a mere facade for covering up the hollowed emptiness that only God can fill.
And God fills so abundently when I decided to pray. There's nothing I can give but my honesty. I have nothing to offer but little bits of me and the little moments I give in prayer. And God knows. As if He doesn't know how I feel while I'm running away. He knows better than me. And when I pray, suddenly, God made me aware of where I'm heading, how lost I am and it is really so reassuring to know that I'm with God again instead of running from Him. He never left me though I was heading in all other ways.
It's just a little prayer, but it has made me desire to pray everyday, and make prayer an attitude.
And God fills so abundently when I decided to pray. There's nothing I can give but my honesty. I have nothing to offer but little bits of me and the little moments I give in prayer. And God knows. As if He doesn't know how I feel while I'm running away. He knows better than me. And when I pray, suddenly, God made me aware of where I'm heading, how lost I am and it is really so reassuring to know that I'm with God again instead of running from Him. He never left me though I was heading in all other ways.
It's just a little prayer, but it has made me desire to pray everyday, and make prayer an attitude.
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