Fairtales

I like fairtytales. But they aren't real, are they? They're glam-ed up stories, people and lives that aren't real. Fairytales don't say much about messy rooms, messy notes and worksheets lying all over the place. Nothing about disorderly and disorganized timetables. Nothing about "no-time-no-time" and "I'm too busy" syndromes. Nothing about "things-don't-always-go-effortlessly-happily-ever-after" facts. Anime can be a little more grey and down to earth. But. But. But. After indulging in the woes and wonders of the animated world, your own will be waiting in the solidly real and tangible dimension of life. Must I sound so doom and gloom. Who ate up all my cheer.

Disappeared. And back.

So I have disappeared from the blogosphere for quite a period of time eh? Yah, why. No time to blog coz I'm too lazy to think and express the smatter of hard-to-explain brainwaves that comes and goes irratically. And it feels wierd to write suddenly, when I realise there're people who're reading this.

That aside, other stuff has been sapping up my usual blogger habits. Anime is one. I'm SO STUCK on BLEACH. DOn't, and I mean D-O-N-T pass me any anime near exam period, or during school term for that matter. And don't pass me one series without having the complete 50 episodes or 100 episodes. I cannot take it when the cliffhanger endings just leave me dangling with my heart in my mouth. I like good storylines with pretty graphics, like the kind in AIR. Bleach is fine. Don't know why I don't like the graphics in Inuyasha. Neither full metal alchemist. Then again, haven't really been watching those.

And I'm trying to quit being online. If all my online time is squashed into study time, I might just make a miracle this semester. But no, TV takes more time off.

What is this. I'm morphing into my own brand of monster. Imagine staring into your own eyes in the mirror, and you see your alterego that only existed in your thoughts surfacing. And it's actully silently appearing, creeping, and infiltrating your gradually-found new habits. And then you wonder, "Is that really me?" The reflection becomes a stranger because you've been swept away by everything else outside you. I have forgotten to step aside to reflect, to think, and to pray. I'm flirting with the dangerous borderline of not even wanting to think. And I know I'll be swept away by the waves, tossed and thrown helplessly. And there'll be no rest if this is going to be me for the rest of my life.

I have a trustworthy Anchor which I do not reach out for. I know what it is like to hold on to the Anchor, in good times and bad. But I tend to let go during the good times and get lost on my own in the end. I feel so frustrated that I've loosened my grip time and again. No, I refuse to reach out because I'd inevitably let go again. I haven't understood that the Anchor is with me, holding onto me. All I have to do is to acknowledge that and the floating will stop. When? Just when will my deceitful heart begin to understand...

Another letter

Slipper Swish has written a second letter. Click to to read the first letter written seven months ago.


Dear so-and-so,

here I am penning my second draft of my resignation from this responsibility I have committed myself to. At the moment, I seriously have little capacity in doing things that I have intrinsic inclinations for and yet do not feel like doing. You may be concerned about why I do not feel like pouring my time, my heart and my soul into doing the very thing that I find worthwhile all along. Perhaps, there really is room for concern because it flows from a certain lack of input and communication with the Greater Authority and Master. This absence of refreshing input has turned my spirit and energy stale and half-hearted, which is why I am so reluctant and resistant when it coes to making plans for fulfilling my duties. On my own, I have not found the strength to overcome the inertia of challenging others to share the duties I cannot fulfill. Hence, I request that my duties be reduced to the bare minimum (without those that I completely cannot fulfill) and I'd like to apply for an indefinite holiday period to reflect and reconsider my situation. I appreciate all the opportunities, tolerance and care given to me and I apologize that I cannot meet basic expectations.

Yours Sincerely,
Slipper swish.

webbies.

Webbies I wanna take a peek at in due time:
movieministries.com
movieguide.org

Still

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God.

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-- it leads only to evil.

I did all that I could
away from what I should
Accumulatively rationalizing, numbing, ignoring
Hardening and choking
and getting lost.
Only to realise,
that when I'm humbly on my knees,
reflection, release, relief and re-direction
were all there
In a prayer.

Smoking around

If you like to ask questions such as "who invented it",check out this site http://inventors.about.com/. Was wondering who invented cigarettes... and so it seems... that smoking started like in 6000BC... and the native pre-Colombian Americans were smoking since long ago or something. And so tobacco seeds were later brought overseas... and tobacco was cultivated bla bla bla... and so now everyone knows about how smoking and lung cancer are related and how Singapore wants to confine smokers to a small area in hawkers and alfresco dining areas in a year's time. Sounds like good news to me. But it's quite sad eh, the smokers seem outcasted. Eh, try to quit smoking la.

Present Misadventure

Clad in a loud, yellow, oversized tee-shirt and cheapo flip-flop slippers, I was wearing the all-blurry-eyed-half-dazed-after-chalet look as I made my way amongst those shelves and hangers of T-shirts in the guys section. It felt wierd to be a female shopper-loner amongst the groups of guys who were also looking at the same shelves with the same hangerfuls of clothes at the same section. Actually, we were looking and browsing and aiming at the same shirt.

Now, I don't know why but that felt really wierd. Intimidated? I don't know. Dazed and blur? Definitely. So, I tried to excuse myself by straying off to the girl's section and started looking at the jackets and tops with disinterest oozing out of my lousy pretense.

Once the guys were finally done with their purchase, I went back to the shirt which I was aiming at and started calling my sis to ask for opinions. Dazed, I was. And I barely noticed the shop assistant who was hovering near me, looking all ready to clamp down on my interest and get the deal done. Well, after much deliberation and hestation, I fingered a polo-tee that looked mature enough for my dad and the shop assistant immediately offered her services. Her pressurizing presence was a major I'll-buy-and-get-out-of-here-factor. So, I asked for a size, paid and left the shop in a jiffy. Despite all that, I remembered to rip off the price tag. See, even the little details have been taken care off.

When Mum got home, she came knocking on my door and dug out the polo tee that my sisters and I shared for Dad's bday... and made Dad wear it...

Wow! Shirt too BIG!
WHOa! Price tag torn off! Therefore not exchangeable!! -shakes head-

okie, but mum and dad were really comforting and encouraging. Dad said he'll work out and bulk up while mum offered to do some altering and said something about fashion trends and loose-fitting tops nowadays. haahha.

ah well. Silly silly. So much for my first experience at buying stuff in the guy's department.

Boyfriend?

Mum: Eh, I dreamt that you were getting married leh. But you were marrying into those traditional ancestral worship kind of family, not Christian one.

Me: Aiyo, you think too far la.

Dad: Where got far? Ten years from now you'll be having your own family.

Mum: Ya, and you all better learn to be independent, or else you'll be panicking when you get your first kid. Eh, are you baptised? Better not get baptised in case you change your mind.

Me: Nope, I'm not. But I'm thinking about it. Actually it makes no difference whether I'm baptised or not. I'm very sure that some things will not change. There's no turning back for some decisions.

Mum: What if you boyfriend is not Christian? Unless you go and convert him.

Me: haha. I have my priorities and my boyfriend must know (and I should add agree on) 3 importants things-- where we come from, like where man came from, where we are headed to in the end and what's our mission in life.

Mum: So cheem one ah.

Me: Yah. If the guys dunno then too bad. (looks nonchalant)

Dad: You'll never know la. Everything thing is changing now, the values are changing.

Me: But 1 +1 = 2. It's the truth. It doesn't change wat.

Dad: For all you know 1 +1 = 3 next time? You take two cups of water, pour it into many glasses. One cup plus one cup equals to many cups what.

Me: Some things like gravity will always be there, even though we can choose not to believe that it exists next time.

Mum: Aiya, but do you have boyfriend or not ah?

Me: You say leh? I'm always running around and still can bake cookies at home.

Dad: (Looks at mum) Good question. I seriously don't know.



The little things that I didn't blog about till now:

Chicken mayo= shredded chicken, mayo, thinly sliced and cut onions, condensed milk.

Some of the pots and pans in my house are as old as me, if not older. And one set of those cost an auspicious $888. I never knew pots and pans are worth so much. Seriously.

Cookies

I have a craving for peanut butter cookies.

Peanut butter cookie recipes:

3-ingredients peanut butter cookie
This one looks so easy, it's unbelievable. (Note: But it doesn't mean that I can get it done.) I can't believe that a cookie will appear just by following it's instructions. Flourless and baking powderless cookie. Can u imagine? Just sugar, peanut butter and egg? Sure or not. *imagines eating super sweet and peanut buttery cookie* Then again, you'll never know till you try...

Still, I'm sticking with the more traditional-looking recipe.
And here's a good site for doing cooking conversion from cups to millilitres and grams and from °F to °C etc etc.


If I had plenty of time, I'd like to read, bake and interact with my 3B pencil and sketch pad. But let's face it, holidays are melting into Monday. And Monday marks the beginning of the long stretch of pre-lecture and lecture days... and I need to pack up and start studying.

Pre-school blues are back. No no no. Shoo.

Lettuce babies!

My lettuce babies are growing!!! Back to my lab stories again. haha. Bear with all the technicalities. Last week was a horribly hectic and mind-blowing and action-demanding week with all the preparation for the ubin event. As I struggled along with all my responsibilities, I was really thankful that my lettuce seeds didn't germinate, which gave me one week off from the lab to feed ubin mozzis.

Now that I'm back, I see that my other batch of cut cotyledons are growing!!! They're sprouting new, green plants! (Shoot regeneration) YeaHHHH! My transformation (with bacteria) is successful up to this stage it seems!!! muahahaha. Well, of course, fungus tried to ruin some of my plants... and some of my plants looked roasted-charcoal black coz it's been there for too long bla bla... but still... my lettuce babies are growing!!! They're growing!!! The satisfaction of being a researcher! Woohoo!!!

The fact that my plants are growing put my supervisor in a fairly good mood. And of coz, that'll improve my mood. And the simple fact that I'm seeing life in school, that is, I see people, students for that matter (no doubt mostly freshies) makes me happier. To top that up, my friend who's working on the tomato project was working with me today! Ladida. Seeing people makes me happy. I just can't bear sitting alone in a cold room with all plants and four walls, and walk around not seeing people.

Talking about people, I saw this lady in the lab whom I'd say is the embodiment of style. She looks like a post-grad student... and she's cool. The way she walks and nods and smiles...it's so full of stylish charisma. There's this x-factor and this air about her that makes her stand out from all the other people I meet along the lab corridor. I think I'd look like a silly smiley-clumsy-poker-clown beside her. But that's alright. That's my style. Blur bat silly smiley clusmy poker clown. Quite a mouthful eh? Say that again: Blur bat silly smiley clumsy poker clown.

And now I've to decide again: BMS or MCB. Sheesh. If I'm not going to do research, I'd do BMS. If I'm doing research, I'd want to work with plants and go the MCB way. BMS or MCB? Pray along with me for wisdom k :)