I'm losing all my disciplines. The older you get, the more freedom you get and the more responsible you have to be. I'm abusing my freedom. I have work to do and yet I step through my home door at 1 or 2am after each 21st birthday party that I attend. I simply can't pull myself away from the company of my friends and fun and money-spending. I don't bother about going home early or planning for schoowork. I've thrown aside the things I've to do for ministry. I do not bother packing my room. I hang around online unnecessarily. I've learnt to rationalize and justify why I should be selfish with my time or how I should say no when my own plans are spoilt. I call spending time with ministry work a waste of my time while I call staying out really late and eating, drinking, spending money unwisely a joy. I run away from doing worthwhile ministry work while I plunge into a time of all play and no work. My values are being perverted. Black is white and white is black. I reject what is eternally worthwhile and embrace fleeting disatisfactory enjoyment. I live for the here and now. I'm becoming part of this world. But this world is not my home. Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will.