Out of the bottle

Some people believe that I'm the kind of person who bottles things up. Hmmm. yes and no. Anyway, recently, some stuff has been shaking my can of thoughts too much. And when you shake a can of soft drink too hard.... it buRsTs and OVerFLOwsssss.....

What the. I was so looking forwards to the holidays. Theoretically speaking, here I'm am, in the midst of the holidays. But excuse me, what holidays?

According to http://dictionary.reference.com/,
Holiday is defined as a day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event.

So let's see, theoretically, I've halted all the school activities, am over the exam blues and have jumped into a time of fun-filled enjoyment and relaxation. A period where I may spend at leisure. So am I? I don't think so. I've plunged myself into a sea of frustration, with my days filled to the brim. I'm not even seeing my friends and family. Much less see them enough.

No, I'm not stuck somewhere in an office. I'm a traveller. Moving from place to place, meeting all sorts of people. The thing is, I'm not doing them at will. I could though. And I might have enjoyed it if it was at will. But. But. But. Things get so urgently overwhelmingly floodful that the urgency of the matter drowns out all enjoyment. The "I must do this" is pushing me to do and do and do. Unwillingly at that. I'd have enjoyed it and put more effort and have done it more willingly, if things were SoOOOooo pushy.

So, I start thinking about next year and whether I sitll want to try to get my act together to enjoy what I'm doing. But but but. I don't like to be pushed. Some pushing is good. But not like this. It's a little suffocating. And I get frustrated with myself for not coping. But but but. I still have to do it. Grudgingly. Everyone knows things are not supposed to work this way. Not so grudgingly and unwillingly. For there's a way! Oh yes there is. But still. I don't take stress that well eh?

All or nothing? Some say that I'm a perfectionist. Sometimes I go all out to do something. But but but, if I cannot manage to do something to perfection, I'd start thinking I've lost it all. And start doing nothing. Inkling of truth there. Maybe that's why I'm frustratedly stressing myself out.

Bubble bubble fizzle Fizz Fizzssssss....