Disappeared. And back.

So I have disappeared from the blogosphere for quite a period of time eh? Yah, why. No time to blog coz I'm too lazy to think and express the smatter of hard-to-explain brainwaves that comes and goes irratically. And it feels wierd to write suddenly, when I realise there're people who're reading this.

That aside, other stuff has been sapping up my usual blogger habits. Anime is one. I'm SO STUCK on BLEACH. DOn't, and I mean D-O-N-T pass me any anime near exam period, or during school term for that matter. And don't pass me one series without having the complete 50 episodes or 100 episodes. I cannot take it when the cliffhanger endings just leave me dangling with my heart in my mouth. I like good storylines with pretty graphics, like the kind in AIR. Bleach is fine. Don't know why I don't like the graphics in Inuyasha. Neither full metal alchemist. Then again, haven't really been watching those.

And I'm trying to quit being online. If all my online time is squashed into study time, I might just make a miracle this semester. But no, TV takes more time off.

What is this. I'm morphing into my own brand of monster. Imagine staring into your own eyes in the mirror, and you see your alterego that only existed in your thoughts surfacing. And it's actully silently appearing, creeping, and infiltrating your gradually-found new habits. And then you wonder, "Is that really me?" The reflection becomes a stranger because you've been swept away by everything else outside you. I have forgotten to step aside to reflect, to think, and to pray. I'm flirting with the dangerous borderline of not even wanting to think. And I know I'll be swept away by the waves, tossed and thrown helplessly. And there'll be no rest if this is going to be me for the rest of my life.

I have a trustworthy Anchor which I do not reach out for. I know what it is like to hold on to the Anchor, in good times and bad. But I tend to let go during the good times and get lost on my own in the end. I feel so frustrated that I've loosened my grip time and again. No, I refuse to reach out because I'd inevitably let go again. I haven't understood that the Anchor is with me, holding onto me. All I have to do is to acknowledge that and the floating will stop. When? Just when will my deceitful heart begin to understand...