A Million Dreams

“Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make”
- (chorus from “A Million Dreams”)

This song filled me with hope.
Until I calculated what a million dreams meant.

If it takes one night for one dream,
It will take 2,739.7 years to make one million dreams.
That’s beyond this life time.
So dream on.

Monday Blues

The mind races faster than the body.
The body stirs.
Time check: 3.30am.
The body slumps back into bed.
The mind pieces bits of reality into a seamlessly illogical story.
The alarm clock rings.
The vivid dream is fresh, but broken.
The body, a heavy log, remains unrefreshed by a routine shower.
Every step drags and weighs.
Every breath is laboured.
The sight dull and unobserving.
The palate flat, and the stomach queasy.
The emails sends waves of panicky irritation.
The appointments, note the appointments.
The weddings, note those days.
Celebrate seasons, celebrate life.
Have a drink.
Bring in some music.
Before the music plays,
Monday slowly picks up its speed.
The work hastens.
The footsteps lighten and quicken.
The sun sets.
The clouds glow.
The dusk settles.
The dinner comforts.
Then, the lull of a long day gets ignored.
The emails, more emails.
A flurry of responses in return, even at moonrise.
The mind races faster than the body.
The body lags in response.
Time check: 1am.
The body slumps into bed.
 

Very much like baking

I'm trained to make pancakes,
but am put in a cake bakery that makes muffin,
and is expected to bake cakes using muffin ingredients with my pancake experience.

Writing my cake recipe with my best pancake knowledge now.
 

7 years on from Graduation

Late nights, report-writing, quick breaks, deep breaths and the next report. Of course, after the reports, it was time to mug for the exams. Maybe I was younger and more energetic. Maybe my "mind-over-body" type of willpower was stronger. Maybe there was more hope and a brighter light at the end of tunnel called "school holidays". Whatever it was, it is now lacking. The same drive that fuelled me is not present in sufficient amounts to take me through. I suppose school taught us very well to do all that is given to us. School didn't teach us to throw off things that are given to us. Skills required for survival are sometimes more present in those who are more familiar with the easy way out.

Or am I really part of a fragile Millenium Me Me Me generation, who is now looking higher up the Maslow hierarchy of needs?

Therefore, to go or not to go, to stay or not to stay? Some look for a calling, but some say the calling is in the everyday.

Hang in there. Sometimes, every small step done right, is already an inch in the correct direction.

The airport soliloquy

Years out of school, I'm making it in and out of the airport the third time this month in a suit. On hindsight, I can't believe it. I never saw myself donning a suit. Much less board a plane (with a tinge of disinterest at that) and fall asleep once the safety video starts. The window seat lost its appeal and I have taken to the convenience of the aisle. My OCD of taking pictures of everything is getting cured. I smile wanly at people who say my job and all the flying around for its worth is exactly what they are looking for.

Never thought I could calmly sip a cup of O'brien's carrot and orange juice alone without getting self-conscious.

Never thought I could meet so many people around the world.

Never thought I would be so happy to go home. 

Quiet of the night

Birds chirping. (yes, they are nocturnal I guess)
Fan creaking.
Keyboard tapping.
Man, I'm working.
Why am I blogging?
Whatsapp buddies sleeping.

It's been a while, since it was this quiet.
It's been a while, since I've had a soliloquy.

My ten-thousand dollar smile!

“I am not a specimen!”

At least, that was what I whatsapp-ed my curious friend who wanted to see a dental implant for what it truly is.

After countless visits to the prosthodontist, numerous X-rays, several moulds taken of my upper and lower jaws, I finally got my personalized tooth. Yes, a natural, tooth-enamel-coloured, translucent zirconium pre-molar. It was plugged firmly and cemented onto the exposed part of the shiny metal implant that stuck out of my gum.

That was the visible part. Somewhere within, I have a titanium screw of sorts drilled into my jaw. I don’t feel it anymore. I heard it fused very well with my bone. When it was screwed in, it was strange. I felt no pain (thanks to the effective, yet bitter-tasting, local anesthesia) but I still felt like some part of me was being hurt, or invaded, or …. I couldn’t explain. It was as if something was wrong, and there was something I should not have allowed.

I guess we should be thankful for pain. It serves as a good alarm that something is awfully wrong. Thus, it feels doubly wrong to feel no pain, when you most expect it in a procedure that has part of you probed, drilled and invaded by foreign bodies.

Anyway, thanks to painkillers and antibiotics, the unseen part of my implant went very well with my bone.

So, what does it feel like to have that empty slot on my gum plugged with a new prosthetic natural-looking tooth? (Ah, the oxymoron of the synthetic natural. Fact of life is this – it can never replace the real thing.)

Hmmmm. I miss that little gaping hole, that little slot that my tongue playfully probes once in a while. Now, there is a foreign body lodged there, as if it’s an everlasting sweet that I’ve stuck at the side of my cheek. My tongue naturally pushes against it, and tries to dislodge it.

Imagine you were chewing Mentos, and it got stuck onto your molar. You try very hard to dislodge that chewy lump that has moulded and wrapped itself around your molar. However, no matter how your probe and push around with your tongue, the stubborn Mentos lump just clings to your molar and refuses to come off.

Yes, kinda irritating. And so it is with my implant.

Man are highly adaptable creatures, this we already know, and this, I read recently in “Life of Pi” by Yann Martel. I will learn to live with this tooth, and make it my very own. After all, it feels pretty amazing to chew evenly on both sides, something that everyone has taken for granted.

Therefore, I hereby announce the arrival of my complete ten-thousand-dollar smile on 24 Nov 2011! Cheers!

My new smile at last!

I just wanted to practice my new smile, and it didn’t take any effort to make that pleasant upward curve. No more rough, tough and edgy braces in the way. It was an effortless glide of the lips over smooth teeth into a smile.

Smiling never felt this good. And I just can’t stop smiling.

I felt the yank of brackets and rings out of my mouth, followed by a gentle warning not to swallow any small debris . Then, I caught a small reflection of pearlie white (fine, slightly yellow) teeth in the shiny surface above. Are those mine?

When the orthodontist first asked if I was alright, I fumbled to re-shape my lips and orientate to my new mouth. Then I muttered, “I don’t think I know how to speak properly anymore”. Closing my mouth over bracket-less teeth felt different. It was a good kind of different. My lips approved of the smooth surface on my teeth.

It no longer mattered that I had skipped dinner, was the last patient and it took a while to get my braces done. I was happy. No. That’s an understatement. I was over-brimming with joy!

I thought I had a few months to go, so did Mr Orthodontist. “I never expected adult teeth to move this fast, but yours did,” he said.

Hainanese beef kway teow at Toa Payoh Lorong 7 marked my last meal with braces on.
Mr Bean warm soya bean milk was the first thing I had after my braces went off.

And 12 Oct 2011 marks the unexpected birth of my new smile! :D

Thank you Dr Phan, Thank you dear dental nurses, Thank you Dr Oh, Thank you Smile Avenue, Thank you AllSmiles Dental Care, and Thank God!

My Portuguese Holiday

Slept like a baby.
Woke up to a Madeiran sunrise by the Atlantic Ocean.
Had international breakfast like a king. (Of course I had the portugese egg tart too)Dived with rainbow-coloured fish, sea urchins and sea snakes.
Lunched like a pauper (Breakfast was just too good.)
Watched the sun set behind mountains of deep green and gold.
Scanned the horizons and the limitless span of sky, sea and ever-changing clouds.
I am happy.

Yeah, I was a teeny bit enslaved to work on Monday, and some of Tuesday. I must say I have underestimated how potent the work poison is. One drop of work is capable of dissolving the most delightful holiday mood. That single drop of work was capable of conjuring up thoughts of removing myself from my profession altogether. I finally understood why a person who works has an occupation. If you allow it, your work will just occupy you.

Now that I’ve gotten the last ounce of work off my chest, I’M FREE!!! Free to sit out in the open like now, free to watch the blue skies and clouds reflected off the glass on my table, and free to watch seagulls soar above the sapphire ocean.

To my right lies an endless stretch of shimmering blue and green that blend straight into the sky. Above this undefined line of water and sky lies puffy clouds dyed pink and orange by the morning sun. I enjoyed my lovely breakfast to this every single morning. And as I look at the calm infinity pool, I see the pink, orange and blue sky all mirrored on it. A perfect reflection like no other.

To my left lie the hills and valleys of Madeira. I have never seen hills and mountains that extend up thousands of feet up into the clouds! You cannot even see the sky, just green, brown, yellow and gold shrouded in mist.

I was buzzing around like an excited kid on my mini tour up the mountains. It just felt surreal to be in the clouds and to look at postcards in live size. I couldn’t even believe that they weren’t postcards. (My friend had to put up with me and remind me to calm down.) Dotted all over the hills are houses, white with orang-tiled roofs. There’s the occasional bright pink house too. If kids ever colour their drawings of houses, fish and hills in rainbow colour, they’re not wrong. These exist!

On top of these hills, I enjoyed Strawberry Cheesecake B&J ice-cream. Yes, B&J ice-cream business has soared to certain heights eh? I also had to take away with me Madeiran chestnut liquer as souvenir. I do not take much alcohol, as some already know. But, I’m a tourist right? Of course I have to bring something back with me that is unique and only available from here.

I am a happy tourist. Happy enough, and inspired enough to blog again. :)

Wishlist updated

Wishlist
1) Shoes. Seriously comfy and lasting flats.
(I bought plenty of these! Once I favoured Summer Story, then it was Noda, then it was Pazzion, now it is Gripz!)

2) Bags. Waterproof, rugged and classy bag that I can fling around and still have it in one perfect piece.
(I love my black Harvey's Lola Ruffles! And I'd tell you it's made of seat belt)

3) Clothes. Shirts that are either so long that they can be easily tucked in, or classic enough to betucked out and still go with a blazer.
(I'm still looking for this one.)

3) I want to watch Rapunzel!
Watched it and loved it!

4) Go on leave after Christmas!
Yes I had a good Christmas last year!

5) A new phone. A smart one. I need to FB and google map around. Okie, maybe blog and tweet.
I love my Samsung Ace too. Yes, I FB, googlemap and tweet!

6) Ipod nano. I need to expand the KTV song list. haha.
Better than that, I got an iPod touch for my birthday last year!

What can I say, I'm a very happy kid.

My new wishlist
1) To visit the Hort park and Henderson wave.
2) To eat plenty of local food like Bak Kut Teh and Rojak at the Food Trail@ Singapore Flyer.
3) To check out the new Marina Bay Sands area
4) To go to Universal studios!
5) To climb Bukit Timah Hill.
6) To go to Mount Faber.

Once the list was filled with items. Now, there are places at home I wanna go.